CHAP. 9 Of the Parts and Ends of a Man's Authority.

 

 BUT Authority must be exercised as well as preserved; yea verily, it cannot be kept, unless it be used, being like a sword, that will rust if it he still in the scabbard with-out using. Now that men may understand how to use this precious thing, (for Authority is one of the richest jewels in the world, it is a model of GOD’s sovereignty, and the very life and soul of all societies,) it is necessary for us to direct them herein, by dwelling upon three points: first, the Parts of authority; secondly, the End; and thirdly, the Manner of using it.

 

 Of the Parts of authority I shall speak first. I mean by Authority, a power of exercising government over another; and this has two parts, to guide and to recom-pense, to direct and to requite. Direction consists in the enjoining of lawful things to be done, and in the forbid-ding of things at least indifferent. Recompence is also double; of good and obedient carriage, by commendation and rewards; of evil and disobedient, by reproofs and punishments. These are the parts of government, I mean those things which a governor by virtue of his place both may and must take upon him to do, and which are so appropriated to the place of a governor, that none other may venture to do them all, unless he will exceed his vocation, sin against GOD, and wrong the person over whom he usurpeth. Now, concerning all these,—commanding, forbidding, commending, rewarding, reproving, —it is on all hands granted, that it is lawful for an husband to exercise them all upon his wife; yea, and as to some kind of punishment also, by withdrawing from her the plentiful demonstrations of kindness, and fruits of his liberality,' and by abridging her of her liberty, and the enjoyment of many things delightful, an husband may inflict the same.

 

 We must next show the End, whereto he must direct all and each of these Parts; and that is, the good of his wife; the increase of virtue in her, and reformation of vice; the making her better, and helping her to comfort here, and salvation hereafter. So all governors have their power from GOD, rather for the benefit of them whom they govern, than for their own ease, pleasure, or profit. In like sort the husband has this his domestic sovereignty, in order that GOD, the Governor of all, may receive more glory by the comfortable fruit of his own ordinance to them that yield unto it. The aiming at this end would be as great a furtherance as any could be to the well-being of a family, and would keep out almost all the mischiefs wherewith now divers households are little less than rent in pieces; for most men never dream of this End, but serve themselves wholly in governing, and regard not their wives at all. The not knowing why they govern, makes husbands govern amiss, and so become burdens to themselves and their wives. He that shoots at a wrong mark, cannot but shoot awry; and he must needs take a wrong way, that mistakes the town to which he should travel. Wherefore an husband should often demand of himself, saying, Why am I the chief in this household and why lieth the government on my shoulders Is it that I should live at more ease than any in the family that I should fulfil mine own wishes, and have what I would; and that every one should care for me, and I for none No; for the Head in the body was not created for its own sake; and J would count him an evil Magistrate and Minister, that should betray such a conceit in his place. But here I am the chief, that all may fare the better for me; that by my using more wisdom, and taking more pains, and showing more virtues than any of the family, all the family, and especially my wife, may live more orderly and comfortably, may enjoy more quiet, and get more grace, than could be attained if I were away. The fruit of my ruling my wife must be her comfort and happiness; neither must I account any happiness to myself, wherein she has not her portion.—So by often informing himself to what purpose he ruleth, he shall exceedingly help himself to rule well.

 

CHAP. 10

 

Of Justice in the Husband's Government.

 

 BUT to shoot at the mark is not much praise-worthy, unless a man hit it; so for a man to intend his wife's good, unless he effect it also, is not much to his commendation. Now the only way of attaining the End of any business, is to do it in a right manner. Wherefore we will direct husbands how they shall rule, so as to weaken every corruption and strengthen every virtue in their wives, and to make their lives ten times more holy and happy than else they could be, and give them justcause (which is the most desirable thing that can be in government) heartily to praise the name of GOD for their meeting together in marriage. At least, if the husband follow these directions, he shall be blameless if he miss his end, because he does not miss it through his own default, but by means of something that lies not in his power to prevent. To the point, then: a man, in governing his wife, must govern himself according to the rules of the three principal virtues which are of most use, as in all places of Government, so likewise in this domestic Kingdom; for so it is, and so it may most properly be called. These virtues are Justice, Wisdom, Mildness; with the practice of which he must temper the exercise of his authority, and then shall he bring glory to GOD, and good to his wife, and to himself, in governing. Justice is the life and soul of government, without which, it is no better than a dead carcase. Wisdom is the eye of government, without which, it is like a strong soldier stark blind. Mildness is the health and good constitution of government, without which, it is like it large body full of diseases: Unjust government is tyranny; unwise government is folly; unmild government is cruelty; but just, wise, and mild government is government indeed, causing the husband to be, as it were, GOD in the family, a resemblance of the sovereignty and goodness of him that instituted matrimony. Let us begin with Justice, the soul of government; the absence whereof does make it degenerate into odious tyranny.

 

 By Justice, I mean that which is commonly called distributive Justice, which consists in fitting the usage of persons under authority, both to the superior's limits, and to the inferior's deservings. This must be practiced both in Directing and Recompencing. For the first; he must learn so to command, not as the chief and absolute commander, but as one who himself stands under a superior power, to which he does more owe subjection, than his wife to him. Wherefore he must in no sort abuse his authority, to force his wife to things that are sinful, What GOD commandeth, he must not forbid; what Gory forbiddeth, he must not command. What the wife can-not either perform or omit, without sinning against GOD and her own soul, (because either the LORD himself, or some superior powers, have interposed their authority,) that it is extreme injustice for the husband to require or to prohibit. This is to thrust her into the fire of hell, so much as in him lieth; out of which if she be not drawn by a strong hand, she must be damned for yielding, he for enjoining. Wherefore in such absurd and sinful commands, he shall violate the laws of wisdom and justice both at once; and show himself, in the same action, both a fool towards her, and a rebel against GOD. For it is the highest degree both of unrighteousness and of folly, for the subordinate governor to set himself above the sovereign. Let no husband, therefore, forget, that the LORD in heaven, and the public Magistrate on earth, are above both him and his wife, and that they both ought equally to be subject to these; and therefore, let him never set his private authority against these authorities that are stronger than his, nor make his wife undutiful to either of these, by a false claim of duty to himself. It is a tyranny and usurpation for any governor to be ignorant of, or to transgress, the bounds of his own place. For a man to command his wife to he for his advantage, to break the Sabbath for his gain, to participate in his fraud, or the like, nothing is more abhorrent from equity. Where Princes have commanded their subjects to worship images, or commit other iniquities, they have brought upon themselves the odious name of tyrants; and the not yielding to their sinful commandments has been a high praise unto. their subjects. Doubtless a husband cannot, but with still less show of reason, challenge power to appoint such things; and so, to forbid his wife to pray unto GOD, to come to the word and sacraments, or to show mercy to the distressed with discretion, this is against right in the highest degree. When DARIUS commanded that no man should invocate the name of GOD for thirty days, the prophet DANIEL would not condescend to such a command; why then should a wife hearken to her husband in the like case, to the apparent transgression of her Maker's law Nay, why should any marl be so. exorbitant in his ruling, as to call for obedience in such things See then, all ye husbands, that your words to your wives hold agreement with the laws of GOD; else you govern not, but tyrannize; and to disobey you, is the best obedience; or rather, to withdraw one's self from following your ill-ordered directions, is not to deny subjection to your place, power, and persons, but to your sins, lusts, and corruptions, yea, to the Devil himself, who ruleth in you, and abuses your tongues as his instruments in such a case. If ADAM were guilty for hearkening to the voice of his wife, contrary to GOD’s voice, doubtless she deserved punishment also, for hearkening to his voice against GOD’s.

 

 But this rule of Justice must be extended yet a little further. Not alone in things that are unlawful, but also in things that to the wife's erring conscience seem unlawful, must the husband forbear to urge his authority. What she does account a sin, that the husband ought not to force her to. The Conscience is GOD’s immediate officer, and commanding by virtue of its commission, (the will of GOD revealed in the Scriptures,) though it err in construction of that commission, must yet be obeyed, and over-weigh the authority of all other commanders, till with due reasons, manifesting such mistake, it be better informed, and duly satisfied. For whosoever accustometh himself to go against conscience in things, which though they be not, yet are judged to be sins, will at length so blot out all conscience, as to go against it in things that are really faults. Whoso will make bold with an erroneous conscience, shall procure to himself either a dead and seared, or else a perplexed conscience: so a man, in offering violence to his wife's conscience, shall quickly drive her either to utter carelessness, or utter uncomfortableness; for in crossing the sentence of her own soul, either she shall put it quite to silence, or make it so terribly clamorous, that the noise of terrors shall be always found in her ears, and her life shall be unto her as tedious as if she were ever upon the rack, through the fierce and inward accusations of her own Accuser and Judge. Wherefore, in cases of this nature, when a woman, through weakness of judgment, believeth a thing indifferent to be sinful, the husband must not, by vehemence, compel his wife's practice against her conscience, but with pity and gentleness seek to free her soul from the entanglement of such error, by better information; still remembering, that conscience is the supreme commander of man, next under GOD, and has the most sovereign authority over men's actions. The truth is, yet, that if she pretend conscience, when it is but wilfulness, he must a while wait for the healing of this stiffness: but if fair persuasions will not reclaim her, he must at length use the authority bestowed upon him by GOD, and expressly enjoin her to change her obstinacy into subjection. You will, perhaps, demand, how a man shall know, whether his wife be wilful or scrupulous I answer, these two may easily be distinguished. For first, scruple of Con-science is grounded upon the Word of GOD, and taketh occasion of doubting from some text of Scripture, that carrieth at least an appearance of condemning that, whereof it Makes question. But obstinacy is ever pleading conscience, when yet it is backed with no part of GOD’s Word, that can in any probability be thought to induce to a fear of doing or omitting, what it refuses to do or omit. Where wilful error, without conscience, hinders yielding, no heed must be taken to it: when an erroneous conscience hinders, it must be tenderly handled. Therefore if a woman can produce some Word of GOD that maketh her doubt of the lawfulness of a thing, though it be perhaps misinterpreted by her, she must be resolved, not compelled: but if she stand upon terms of conscience, without GOD’s Word, she may be compelled, because there is no other way of resolving her; for not every scruple of heart does make a thing sin to a man in whom it is, but that alone which is grounded upon the Scriptures; in which case, conscience (though mis-informed) retains its own authority, and so to force a woman to act against it, were to force her to sin. Again, it may be thought the mistake of conscience, when things indifferent are deemed either sinful or needful; and in such things, it is a point of justice to be tender towards a weak conscience. But if one will seem to make a con-science of not doing that (and so refuse to do it) which GOD has commanded plainly, this is surely wilfulness in error, not infirmity of conscience; and therefore here the wife is not to be borne with, but after good means used to discover her error, if she persist in wilfulness, the husband may justly be so much the more urgent, by how much she is more backward. But be not so unrighteous towards thy wife, as to urge her either to displease GOD or her conscience in a thing indifferent, leaning on the Word of GoD: for none is LORD of conscience, but only GOD, the LORD of heaven and earth. And thus much for Justice in the matter of Directing.

 

 It must be exercised also in requiting either the bad or good carriage of the wife. Bad behavior may be requited with reproofs and corrections, (as we said above,) only so that Justice be observed herein. And to this end, two rules must he given one in regard of the thing for which, another in regard of the measure wherein, one reproves or correcteth.

 

 First; no reproof or correction must be given without a fault; where no sin has gone before to deserve such hardness, it cannot without much injustice be practiced against her. No good chirurgeon will lay a plaister upon a sound place; that were always a needless labor, and at most times dangerous, for some medicines will make the sound flesh sore; so neither must an husband find fault, where no fault is, for fear of making a fault where none else would be.

 

 Here we must also observe, that a fault reformed must go in the account as no fault: and therefore a woman must never be upbraided with it: for an upbraiding is a reproof, and a sin amended is, after a sort, annihilated. Indeed former faults may justly be alleged, to aggravate the same offence reiterated: but if the wife do not repeat her sin in committing, the husband shall deal exceedingly unjustly, if he repeat it in reproving. Wherefore chafe not against thy wife for no fault; reprove not her when she dishonors not GOD, neither let passion ever make thee repeat those things which she has reformed; so shall thy ways be conformable to Justice, in this point of re-proving or punishing, as to the Cause of doing.

 

 But the Measure of doing is in every thing almost of as needful observation as the cause; for Justice is to proportion the reproof or punishment to the fault. But to come a little nearer to this point: the husband must know that, as to punishing his wife, he must come exceedingly slowly to it, and be very seldom in it, never proceeding unto it till compelled, because other means have been frustrated. For a man to estrange his countenance and behavior towards his wife, to withdraw the testimonies of his love, or to cease to trust her and speak familiarly and cheer-fully to her; these are such things as deserve the name of chastisements. The wife that has not forgotten all good affection to her husband, cannot but smart and bleed under these stripes, as I may call them. They are there-fore to be of rare use, and not applied at all, till the grossness of much misdemeanor shall compel. And all things of this kind, whether reproofs or chastisements, must still be more or less sharp, as the fault is greater or lesser, being suitable not to the passion, or loss, or hurt of the reprover, but to the sin or offence of the reproved.

 

 Another part of Justice in Recompencing is, that good deeds go not unrecompensed. Rewards and corny mendatious must be given, to increase the good things that are in the wife, as well as reproofs to diminish the evil. SOLOMON says, that the husband of the good wife " shall praise her:" and again he says, " Give her of the labor of her hands." A man must give his wife to understand, by words of comfortable approbation, what content he takes in her good and dutiful behavior. He must animate and encourage her to a perpetuity of pleasing and loyal carriage, by some special courtesies, in which she will most delight. For the cheerful countenance, amiableness, affability, and liberality of the husband, are to the good wife the causes of as great content as any thing in the world, next to the favor of GOD. Wherefore, if ever you wilt live happily in matrimony, feed virtue, nourish obedience, confirm all good qualities, water and refresh the tender buds of thrifty dutifulness, and other graces, which begin to appear. Let thy wife see, that you lost much more willingly look upon the best things, and more often remember then, and that you hadst much rather be telling of her good, than of her evil, and be making much of her, than reprehending her: for doubtless, when all is done, experience shall prove, that the sweet herbs grow fairest and safest in the sunshine; and many a wife had been very good, if the husband could have seen and fostered a little goodness at the first.

 

CHAP. 11

 

Of Wisdom.

 

 THE next virtue of the Husband is Wisdom, the Eye of Government, which must help Justice in her place: for virtues are knit together in a near band; one will draw on another. This Wisdom is the Stern of Authority, which must guide it in an even and steady course, that it' may neither dash upon slavish Fear, as a rock on the left hand, nor upon Contempt, as a dangerous quicksand on the right hand. The principal use of Wisdom is to behave one's self so uprightly, that Love and Reverence may not interfere, and the one cut and destroy the other. It is hard, in the case of an inferior so familiar, to be loved and yet not slighted, if one's carriage be kind and familiar; harder, if one's behavior be more reserved, to be reverenced, and yet not slavishly feared. Prudence therefore must so manage all things, that it may keep these two affections in their due temper, free from excess, and free from defect, that a man may do good according to the dignity of his place; for affections will easily fall foul each upon the other, and wound one the other, to the overthrow of both. Love will turn fear into a slender respect, fear will turn love into hatred and despite; but discretion must so serve the turn of both in due time and season, that both may be preserved in their due measure. More particularly, Wisdom must give rules for the right ordering of authority, first, in general, and then of each part of it.

 

 FIRST then in general, it is a main part of Wisdom in an Husband, to conform the use of his authority to the disposition of his Wife, to which purpose he must labor much to become thoroughly acquainted with the temper of his wife's mind. There is great difference of women's natures. Some are more stiff, some more pliant; some will be more easily ruled, some with more difficulty; some require more sharpness, others will be better wrought upon with gentleness; And the master-piece of Wisdom is, fitly to frame all commandments, reproofs, and rewards, to the conditions of the party. Some will be sooner persuaded than compelled, and some contrarily; which diversity of dispositions if a man mark not, he shall create to himself and to his wife a great deal of unnecessary labor. A soft, tender, and gentle woman must be dealt with more tenderly; a rough high-spirited woman with more sternness and severity, whether a man command or reprove, or whatsoever else he does or speaketh. And in this case an husband must not follow his own inclination, but bow himself to the temper of his wife. Physiciansgive not the same physic to all bodies; they prescribe not such drugs as they have nearest at hand, but as are best befitting the patient's body. Those also that deal ht metals, give not the same heat to every metal; lead will be sooner and with more ease melted; iron must have more coals and more blowing. The husband must diligently observe by his wife's actions, whether she be lead or iron. A governor should know the constitution of those that are under his government, and behave himself towards them differently, according as they differ. As they are more given to grieve or chafe, to be dejected or to be careless, so must a man measure out his actions, and the manner of them, that he may most heal, and least provoke, those passions wherewith the woman is most apt to be overcome. Neither will this prove impossible to attain, considering that continual occasion of conversing together will afford means of informing a man's self in this point, if he take but any reasonable heed thereof, and pray the LORD of heaven to furnish him with discretion. St. PETER points all men to this part of discretion, when he says, that Woman is the weaker vessel, meaning, that she is subject to more natural imperfections than the man; and the proportion of that precept holds also in regard of the difference of the natures of women amongst themselves, some being weaker than others. Wherefore, in this matter, the husband must show himself a man of knowledge in dwelling with his wife.

 

 The example of our Savior CHRIST'S Government may become our precedent: for he does well consider, both the nature of all the members of his mystical body, (for they are all but dust, and full of frailties,) and the particular nature of each of them, by which it comes to pass, that some are fuller of infirmities than others. CHRIST'S Wisdom therefore shows itself iii mixing a fit cup of consolation or affliction for every soul. Every husband must carefully imitate his example; for if some women should be reproved so often and sharply as others, they would be quite disheartened; and some, if they should receive so great kindness and commendations as others, would be quite puffed up with pride. Now the art of government must moderate all things according to the nature of the governed. And this it is that maketh it so hard to govern well: but, as I said before, the LORD, the giver of wisdom, will not deny it to them that crave this gift at his hands. Wherefore, all ye husbands, know for a certainty, that it sufficeth you not to be just, unless you also be discreet. Thy commandments may perhaps be not unlawful in themselves, but unfit for thy wife; and then, though you may not be charged with unrighteousness, yet you eanst not escape the imputation of folly. Some man thinks, that his wife should do and take all, as he sees such and such a man's wife; and he accordingly carries himself towards her, and looks to find at her hands, not considering that one last will not serve every shoe. And in this case, while most men will do as their neighbors do, and look that their wives should do as their neighbors' wives, they fill their houses full of contention; yea many, whilst they follow their own passions, utterly over-throw the peace of their families, because they will not do and speak what is fittest for their wives, but what holdeth most agreement to their own humors. Nov be advertised, (for the prevention of many evils,) that you must live with your wives, not alone as men of righteousness, but as men of knowledge also. And this is one rule of prudence in general, to know and observe the Wife's Disposition.

 

 Another rule is to chuse fit Circumstances for commandments, reproofs, rewards, and all the acts of power or authority, viz. first, a fit Time, then a fit Place; for these are the most notable circumstances of all actions, and such as require our most heedful observation. For Time; there is first a time fit for reproving, commanding, commending, and all other actions; and again, a time which is very unseasonable for some, or for any of them; and to set down particular directions for that which admits of almost infinite variety, is a task altogether impossible. Wherefore in general, two rules must here he observed, which will easily keep out all notorious inconveniences in regard of time. The rules, I confess, are most necessary to be observed in the matter of Reproof; that being a thing wherein most wariness should be used, because it is most apt to be taken in ill part, and because as it is most needful, and if it speed well does very much good, so a little thing will hinder the fruit of it, and make it prove very dangerous. Wherefore in administering it, most discretion had need to be used, that it poison not instead of healing. But yet in all the other parts of governing, the same rules are so universally necessary, that much mischief will grow in a family for want of observing them. A commandment untimely given, may do as much hurt as a blow; and an unseasonable precept may prove as pernicious as an unseasonable reproof. But let us chew what times prudence must choose for the doing of any act of government. 

 

 Now as in this case there are two persons to whom this authority has relation, namely, the person that exerciseth it, and the person towards whom it is exercised; so a time of reproving or commanding must be chosen agreeable to the disposition of both, and it must be then used, when he is fit to use it well, and she to take it well.—First then, when a man's self is quiet, in tune, and free from perturbation, then may he wisely command, reprove, or do any other like thing, as occasion shall offer; that being a season when in all likelihood he shall do it well. But when anger boileth within, then is he to take great pains to bring himself into due temper again, and till that be done, to forbear the exercise of any part of his authority; unless he will disgrace himself through that faultiness which cannot but flow from such passions. Wherefore if you art an husband, take this advice: Authority cannot be well managed but by the hand of wisdom, therefore undertake not to exercise it when wisdom is banished: Go not About such a work but when thy heart is quiet, thy judgment clear, thy mind settled, and when you art thyself Then show thy wife her duty, then say what you wouldst have, then tell her of her faults, else never shall you make her see her duty, or mend her faults. In a word, never go about to judge of colors, when a mote is in thy eye. And thus must a good Husband keep time in regard of himself.—He must likewise observe due seasons in regard of his Wife, those, namely, wherein she is capable of receiving information or reproof. If she be not fit to hear, as well as himself to utter wholesome words, the labor of uttering them must be lost. When she is quiet, cheerful, well-pleased, and free from excessive grief, anger, pain, sickness, (which dispose the soul to passion,) or other like vexations, then is the fit time to tell her of a fault, and wish her to do or forbear what a man would have done or forborne, else her passions will make her as unable to take any thing well, as his would make him unable to do it well. Let the mind be calm, the judgment clear, the soul quiet; and then cast in good words, as good seed into the ground that is plowed and manured, and well fitted for the seed. And he that cannot moderate himself in this way towards his wife, shall often make three or four faults in speaking of one; and make a breach by giving that commandment which at another time would be quietly accepted.

 

 Another Circumstance of moment is that of Place, about which wisdom directs that these rules be observed; First, that what parts of government carry with them any difficulty and distaste shall be exercised in private between them two, viz. reproving, and commanding of things that in all likelihood may be against the mind of the wife; Secondly, that what parts are pleasing to her, or in no way contrary to the good-liking of nature, as the giving of commendations, rewards, or easy commandments, shall be done, as occasion serveth, in the presence of others. 

 

 For hard commandments and reprehensions, the most secret place is the most convenient; because, if the wife should, at first hearing, receive them passionately, no one will be acquainted with her passionateness, and because she will not have the least occasion of taking up the conceit (which would blast the fruit of all good admonitions) that he speaks so as to put her to disgrace. Wherefore if any thing be amiss, whereof you wouldst admonish thy wife, take her aside, and let her hear it from thee, when she is well assured that no ear shall be privy to thy words but her own. If you wouldst have her do or forbear any thing, which you thinkest will be displeasing to her to hear, show thy mind in private; and there persuade, where you may with more freedom speak all that is fit to be spoken, and where (if some little heat should arise between you) it may not be published to the hurt of your names. It may be objected, That some women will not fear to offend in public, before the servants and children, and strangers; and if the husband then forbear to speak to her, and let her go away with it so, would not this prove infectious to the beholders, and make them apt to follow the same trade of evil doing I answer, if such public faults fall out, a man may show his dislike in a patient manner of speaking, and make it appear that he does not wink at his wife's faults. But I answer again, that in such a case he must express grief rather than anger, and must defer the lawful sharpness, and (as I may call it) wholesome lancing, by a reproof, till his wife and himself be together alone; and by that time she will remember how she overshot herself, if he give her not the advantage of replying, by being carried into some absurdity with her for company. Neither need a man

 

fear the infection of servants or children by faults thus healed in secresy; for his present grief, dislike, and patience, will work more upon them (considering the person) than if he should fall into chiding; and there will be time enough after, in her absence, to give them warning of the sin.

 

 There will be time also to chide her for having given so bad an example. And they may know that a man has reproved, though they hear him not reprove; and this will well enough prevent the infection that might come from her offence. Wherefore in no sort is their rashness to be allowed,. (yea, it is most sharply to be condemned,) that must needs out with it, whoever stands by, even before children and servants, and perhaps also strangers, not having the wit nor power to refrain till a fit place of privacy may be gotten. These are the rules of Wisdom that concern the exercise of authority in general. Those follow next, which particularly concern the matter of Direction; and these must look partly to the Things commanded or forbidden, partly to the Frequency of commanding.

 

 For the first; a man must not abase his authority to two sorts of things that are not worthy of the same; namely, Things trifling, and Things ridiculous. First then, Let it be regarded in commanding, that the man's authority descend not unto too mean and trivial things. The husband must not be bidding and intermeddling by commandments in the small businesses of the family; he must leave some things in the family to the discretion of his wife, that his authority, may not be undervalued, because of the triflingness of those matters about which it is employed. In these things he should permit his wife to rule under him, and give her leave to know more than himself, who has weightier matters, and more nearly touching the welfare of his household, to exercise his knowledge in. And if in any of these matters, he shall meet with any disorder, it were a part of wisdom in him to advise and counsel, rather than to charge and command. See therefore that the matter be so much worth, before you lay a charge concerning it; for he that for every light thing will be drawing out his commandment, shall, to his grief, perceive at length, that it will be not much esteemed in any thing.

 

 Secondly, Let him never command senseless and unreasonable things, such as are grounded merely upon his will, and upon no good reason besides. Such commandments will make her take him for an heady fool, and not a wise head; and that conceit can never arise, but with the utter ruin of her reverence, and so of his authority. For a man to force his wife, by the power of his authority, to take up a feather, to wag a straw, or the like, because forsooth he will have it so, and show that he is her master, exposeth him to contempt; and in making it appear that he is master over her body, he ceases to be master over her heart. I confess that the woman should be so perfectly subject, as to cast her eyes only upon the lawfulness or unlawfulness of the thing commanded; but the husband should consider further, and look that what he gives in charge be commodious, useful, and needful to be done. He that without reason enjoins his wife to do any thing, does all one as if he should ride without a bridle. If such a man's horse be not exceedingly gentle and well-broken, he cannot do otherwise than either run out of the way, or stumble and cast the rider: so the wife of such a foolish man must be of extraordinary meekness and patience, or else she will either rebel against him, or contemn him, or both. For the reasons wherewith the commandment of any superior comes backed, are, as it were, a bridle in the inferior's judgment, by which one may check and hold in the violence of unruly passions: but if reason be wanting, even a gentle-natured woman is apt to prove refractory. Look therefore that you never bid thy wife do any thing which Reason (and not only Will) has not first bidden thee.—These are the rules of prudence, in regard of the Subject of authority, or matters wherein it should give directions.

 

 As to the Frequency of exercising authority, let this part of power be but rarely used. It should be laid up as one's best attire, to be worn alone upon high-days. A garment that comes upon a man's back every day will soon be thread-bare; so will a man's authority be worn out with over-much use. Wherefore let it be kept in, till due occasions of using it call it forth. It has been delivered as a means of a prince's preserving his reverence amongst his subjects, that he be not too often seen amongst them. Men are apt to set light by those things which they see every day; even things at first wondered at, are, by little and little, slenderly regarded if they be of common use. Take heed therefore that you layest thine authority upon things but seldom; lest thy wife, receiving many commandments, break some, and so catch a custom of neglecting thy power. A man who is much in commanding, will hardly avoid slipping into some trivial and unnecessary commandments; and one of these will lighten his authority more than twenty of better use will grace it again. The wife is indeed an inferior, but very near, and very familiar; wherefore she will count it a burden to be ever pressed with authority; and you know that nature teacheth us to seek ease in shaking off burdens. Much reproving will make a re-proof of no force; and much more will much commanding make commandments of no efficacy.—And thus have you the rules of Wisdom, which must keep Authority, as it were, upon the wheels, that it may go forward more cheerfully, both for the husband's and the wife's comfort.

 

CHAP. 12

 

Of Mildness.

 

 THE next virtue of the Husband is Mildness, a very necessary virtue in this society, which, because it comes nearest to equality, do'th therefore allow of familiarity between the parties governing and governed, and therefore must needs also require more lenity. No woman can endure her husband's government with comfort, if gentleness do not temper it. The abundant love that a wife does and may look for, causes that she looks also for much tenderness of behavior from her husband; in which expectation if she be crossed, she cannot obey heartily, because not lovingly, nor lovingly, because she cannot think herfelf loved. The LORD JESUS CHRIST iS the most gentle and meek governor in the world; and when herequires us to take his yoke upon us, he commends him-self as gentle and meek, and his yoke as easy and light. This is, the best precedent that husbands can follow, the most worthy copy for them to write after. The Apostle tells us, that the minister must be gentle, even towards those that are froward: surely then the husband must be gentle to his wife, though she show herself to be of a froward disposition. Yea, we are commanded to show all meekness to all men; and therefore much more each man to his own wife. But this virtue must show itself in both the parts of authority, directing and recompencing: in directing, two ways; first, as to the Matter of it, or the things about which it is exercised; secondly, as to the Manner of exercising it.

 

 In the Matter of directing, this virtue must manifest itself in two ways; first, by not using it too often, and too much; secondly, by not using it (unless upon necessity) about things that will prove difficult and tedious.—For the first of these; the husband must beware of extending the use of his commanding power too far; it must suffice him to know, that GOD has given him the right of appointing in every thing that is not sinful; but in the exercise of it, he must show himself of a kind and free nature, not rigorously taking upon him to command all he may, but willingly gratifying his wife in some, in many, in most things, that she may with more cheerfulness be subject to him in others. Obedience would be allured and enticed, by yielding it to its own disposition in almost every thing of an inferior nature, that it may more dutifully yield itself to be disposed of when greater necessity requires.—But especially, let husbands show mildness in the second point, viz. in forbearing hard and difficult commandments, so much as they possibly may. Beware of crossing your wives, and forcing them to things against their natural disposition. All men find in themselves a kind of inbred averseness from such or such things, and a delight in some other things; so that the one of them it is a great burden for them to do, the other to forbear. Yea, some things there are of their own nature hard and painful to be done. Now it is a great point of gentleness in the husband, to forbear the requiring of obedience at his wife's hands, in things of this nature, unless a kind of necessity he upon him to require it. The school-master that over-taxeth his scholars shall never make them learn well. The king that over-tasks his subjects shall make them poor, and himself hated; so shall the husband weary his wife, and disgrace himself, by laying too heavy commandments upon her. Wherefore let every good husband put away this rigorousness; and by moderation in his commandments, make his authority easy to be borne, and his wife cheerful in subjection.—This is Gentleness in the Matter of direction.

 

 The same virtue must be used in the Manner of eommanding. When need requires that some commandment be given, it must not be imperiously prescribed, in the extremity of enforcing words, but with a sweet kindness, (as the head does move the members of the body,) with loving persuasions, and with familiar requests. Indeed, if the wife will needs try masteries, and strive to cast off the yoke of obedience, such a distemper makes it needful for the husband (with good words) to stand for his authority, even somewhat stiffly and peremptorily professing, that he will have his will in things lawful. But this course’should be seldom used, and that only in matters of importance, which may be worth so much earnestness; in most cases, the quieter way is the more comfortable, and the more husband-like. The way, then, to prevail, with least burden to the inferior, and least toil to the superior, is with mild words to wish this or that, rather than with’imperious phrases to enjoin it; for most natures are much more easily persuaded than compelled. Our Savior CHRIST himself does mostly beseech his Church, though with most right he might command it. Let the husband imitate that best husband, and beware of " Do it or you had best;" and " you shall, whether you will or no;" and " I will have it so, if it be but to cross you." O no l much more comely for an husband's mouth are these words; " I pray you, let it be so; do me the kindness to do this or this."—And so much for the practice of mildness in directing, the first part of government.

 

 It must be likewise exercised in recompensing both good and bad actions.—For the good: When a Reward is given, it must be gently given; and in bestowing any gift upon a man's wife; he must do it in a kind fashion; so that the manner may grace the matter, and make it more pleasing.—But chiefly gentleness must show itself,

 

hen need requires that bad deeds be requited with Reproof or Correction; for there it is so Much the more needful, by how much the actions themselves are less pleasant in themselves, and therefore will less bear the mixture of any bitterness with them. As to Reproofs, Mildness must show itself in regard of the Matter of reproving, and also the Manner.—For the Matter, it should be exercised in not finding fault with every trifle that one sees amiss, nor chiding for every infirmity. Whatsoever fault is not either of a nature somewhat gross, or else done in a manner somewhat presumptuous, may be passed by in silence, either with none, or with half a word. That happy effect of love, which consisteth in passing by defects and weaknesses, is exceedingly necessary towards strangers, but much more towards those of the house-hold, and most of all between the nearest couple of the household. Be not, therefore, extreme nor rigorous in this matter; but as a mother's tenderness of -love does cause, that she takes no notice of divers little deformities in her own child, so stand you affected to thine own wife. Pray to Gob against all her faults; see and commend all her virtues: but petty defects and natural ordinary weaknesses, never take notice of, never reprove. Let her closely perceive that you dost (but wilt not) know them: thine unwillingness to see and reprove, shall make her more willing to see and reform. But an ever-lowering and ever-chiding husband will make more faults than would be, and compel his wife to be far worse than her own disposition would work her to. Wherefore be not always chiding, unless you wouldst have thy wife always naught; for over-frequent reproofs can bring forth nothing but disdain and sullenness.—Again, for the Manner of reproving; when it is most needful, it must be very gentle. The words and gestures, used to press a fault upon the wife's conscience, must be mild and amiable, such as breathe out love and pity at once. A reproof must be applied as a plaister, not with scolding, but with moaning. It can hardly be avoided, even in the best, but that this medicine shall be necessary; yet the husband must ever remember, to use no more roughness than is fit to his own flesh. Reproofs of themselves (as it were a potion) go enough against the stomach; we need not by our bitterness make them more loathsome, (as it were) by a foul and unsightly cup. No patient was ever yet so desirous of health, that he could he persuaded to drink a potion scalding hot. That which burns the lips will never find admittance into the stomach, be it ever so wholesome a drink otherwise. It is just so with a reproof: if it scald the ear (as I may say) with upbraiding and disgraceful terms, with vilifying and railing words, with a fiery look, and a sparkling eye, it will never gain passage to the heart. Compassion, kindness, the declaration of one's sorrow for the fault of the person reproved, desire of his good, and care of his amendment; these are the things. that dispose the will to accept of an admonition, and much help the kindly working thereof. I am not against the wholesome earnestness of reproving, and that sharpness of rebuking, which in some cases the LORD himself commands: but this may well be without bitterness, with-out violence of words, and without fierceness. An admonition is then healthfully sharp and earnest, when a man in much plainness of speech, and strength of reason, lays open the greatness, absurdity, and danger of the sin; enforcing the consideration of these points upon the party's con-science vehemently, but yet pitifully, with a declarations of more sorrow than anger, and of grief for his fault and danger, rather than displeasure against his person. Such earnestness, husbands must be allowed to use; for coldness will hinder the working of medicines. In one word, let a man make his reproofs somewhat warm, but not boiling hot. This is mildness in reproofs.

 

 And thus you see, in what things an husband's Mildness must be exercised: and so also you have a sufficient direction for him in the matter of Governing, the first part of his duty. We must now descend unto the second part, which is the maintaining of his wife.

 

CHAP. 13 Of Maintaining one's Wife.

 

 As our LORD JESUS CHRIST, the Husband of his Church, has been in nothing wanting to her spiritual welfare, but does clothe her with the pure and white linen of his own righteousness, and with the rich and precious graces of his good SPIRIT, whereby she is all glorious within; so must every good husband afford his wife allowance of all necessary comforts for this life, that she may live a cheerful and a well-contented life with him. Before a man allure a woman into co-partnership of life with him, he should consider of means to maintain both himself and her; for how it should consist with love, to pull so near a companion into the troublesome fellowship of misery and want, I cannot conceive. Doubtless, it is a man's wanton passion that spurs him forward to run blindfold into this estate, and not the good hand of GOD leading and calling him unto it, unless he be furnished, in smile measure, with things fit to maintain a wife and family. When the LORD, by his good allowance, goes before us, and wishes us to follow him into any estate, he gives us wisdom to look before-hand, that we have, in some degree, all things necessary to perform the duties of this estate; but when our own passions thrust us forward into any course, they make us run headlong after our own appetite, not troubling ourselves with any such wise and serious considerations. I think, therefore, I may say, that the LORD is author to no man, of wedding a wife to misery

 

and distress. Before he call him to marry, he will let it appear unto him, how (at least by the diligent painfulness of his hand) he may yield his wife a comfortable living. 

 

 Not but that a poor man also may have both need of marriage, and also allowance to marry; for GOD forbid, that violence should be offered to the consciences of those of meaner estate, by laying such a snare upon them, as if they might not lawfully enter into matrimony. But this we say still, that they must have some honest calling, and will and ability to walk in the same faithfully, so that reason may tell them that, through GOD’s blessing, there shall be something gotten to maintain a wife, though not richly, yet sufficiently, and according to that rank. For it was never GOD’s meaning that all should be rich, neither yet would he have any to be habitual beggars. Let not any man, through distrust of GOD’s providence, deny himself the benefit of GOD’s ordinance, when his need requires it, for the subduing of otherwise unsubduable passions; neither yet let any man so easily condescend to the desires of his own heart, as hastily to adventure on matrimony,

 

till he have used ali other due means of repressing such passions, (watchfulness, abstinence, praying, fasting, and all earnest oppositions,). when in reason he can give no sufficient answer to this demand, " How shall we do to live, when we are married" I know that the over-covetous desire of elder people does at many times stand too much on such matters, and hesitates not to thrust the younger upon miserable inconveniences, through an unbelieving distrust and fear of poverty. And I see, on the other hand, that the younger, for want of duly considering such matters, are apt to cast themselves upon such rocks, as to make shipwreck of peace and quietness, and of a’rood conscience too. Wherefore let a middle course be followed here. You may please GOD in a poor estate, and may afford a wife comfort in a meaner condition; but still somewhat there must be to live on, some calling, some trade, something that may promise that, which GOD promises to the diligent, namely, that you shall be satisfied with bread. So this duty must take up part of a man's thoughts before he be married; and after the contract of marriage, he must still continue these thoughts, often looking to it that his wife may want nothing needful for her. Wherefore,. let each husband be convinced, that it is his duty to allow his wife convenient maintenance, and not to think himself so absolutely LORD of all, but that his wife must also enjoy the comfortable use of all. But we must also direct the husband in this part of his duty, by sheaving him three necessary things: first, the Measure; secondly the Manner; thirdly, the Times and Seasons of this his Allowance.

 

 For the first; two things must measure out her expenses, as well as his. own; and those are his Place and his Means. So far as his Calling requires, and his Ability will bear, and no further, must he extend his cost in attire and other necessaries for his wife: and not one only of these, but both, must be advised with; for sometimes a man's Place, or function in the commonwealth, would bear more than his decayed Estate will well suffer.

 

 You see in what Quantity the wife's Allowance must be given. Consider, also, in what Manner; and that must be most willingly, cheerfully, readily; before she asks he must answer, and offer before she request. The greatest commendation of a gift is the giver's cheerfulness; and the surest signs of cheerfulness are speed and expedition. Do to her, as GOD to his Saints; and willingly and abundantly give her all things to enjoy. And this do, both whilst you live together, and at thy decease also, if it fall out that thyself depart from this world first. For so (which is the third thing I intended to speak of) there are two Seasons, in which the husband's bounty should declare itself; the first, during life; the second, after it.

 

 The love of a husband must not die before himself, no, nor with him, but the effects of it must survive him; and when he is departed, his bounty must be present with her, even after death. When a man is to leave this world, he must not leave the care of his wife, but re-member, in the disposal of his goods, to bequeath so full a part to her as may make it appear, that he thinks not himself wholly dead, so long as she (the one half of him) is alive. Let thy wife, even after thy death, enjoy such a part of thy substance, as that she need not stand beholden to her children, who in all reason should be beholden to her. Neither let thy wife's insinuations make thee more sparing to thy children than is fit; nor let thy fondness of thy children make thee more regardless of thy wife than is fit; but be sure, as thine estate is, to let them have wherewithal they may live, she like a mother, they like children: for doubtless, the wife is wronged, if her husband do not so provide for her, that the children shall not have occasion to despise her in her old age.

 

CHAP. 14 Of the Wife's peculiar Duties.

 

 THE Wife's special Duty may fitly be referred to two heads: first, she must acknowledge her inferiority; secondly, she must carry herself as an inferior.

 

First, then, every good woman must suffer herself to be convinced in judgment; that she is not her husband's equal; without which, it is not possible that there should be any contentment, either in her heart or in her house. Where the woman stands upon terms of equality with her husband, (and much more if she will needs account herself his Better,) the very root of all good carriage is withered, and the fountain thereof dried up: out of place, out of peace. Whoever, therefore, does desire or purpose to be a good wife, or to live comfortably, let her set down this conclusion within her soul:—Mine Husband is my Superior, my Better; he has authority or rule over me; nature has given it to him, having framed our bodies to tenderness, men's to more hardness; GOD has given it to him, saying to our first mother, " Thy desire shall be subject to thine husband, and he shall rule over thee;" his will I see to be made by Con the tie, not of mine actions alone, but of my desires and wishes also; I will not strive against GOD and nature; though sin has made my place tedious, yet will I confess the truth; mine Husband is my Superior, my Better.—Unless the wife learns this lesson perfectly, if she have it not without book, and at her fingers' ends, (as we speak,) if her very heart do not inwardly and thoroughly condescend unto it, there will be nothing but wrangling, repining, striving, and a continual vying to be equal with him, or above him; and so shall their life be nothing else but a very battle, or a trying for masteries. Let us grant, that in gifts you art his better, having more wit and under-standing, more readiness of speech, more dexterity in managing affairs, and whatsoever other good quality may be incident to a woman; yet understand, that so may thy servant exceed thee as much as you dost him. has not many a servant more wit and understanding, and often more grace too, than master and mistress put together Yet does would the wife be, that the servant should deny both to her husband and herself the name of Betters. Know, then, that a man may be superior in place to one to whom he is inferior in gifts; and know also, that you dost abuse the good parts which GOD has given thee, in seeking thence to infringe thine husband's superiority. Better were it for a woman to be of mead capacity, (so that she can put upon her the spirit of subjection,) than to be adorned with all the good qualities of nature, (for those of grace she cannot have, so long as her pride is so predominant,) and thereby be made self-conceited against her husband. Wherefore, O you wife, let thy best understanding be to understand, that thine bus-band is by GOD made thy governor and ruler; and you his inferior, to be ruled by him. Though he be of meaner birth, and of less wit; though he were of no wealth nor account in the world, before you didst marry him, yet after this, GOD will have thee subject; and you must put upon thyself a willingness to confess thyself so to be. This duty so much more needs to be pressed, because, though it be so plain that it cannot be denied, yet it is withal so hard; that it can hardly be yielded to. Unless the judgment be truly informed and soundly convinced on this point, the will and affections will never be kept in good order. Set it down, therefore, as a conclusion, not so much as once to be called into question, "My Husband is my Better." Secondly, the wife being resolved that her place is the lower, must carry herself as an inferior; for it signifies little to confess his authority in word, if she frame not herself to submission in deed. Now she will testify her inferiority in a Christian manner, if she practice the duties of Reverence and Subjection.

 

 First, for Reverence: the wife owes as much of that to her husband, as the children or servants do to her, yea, as they do to him; only it is allowed, that to her it should be sweetened with more love and more familiarity. All inferiors owe reverence; neither must the wife conceit, as if she were less bound to reverence her husband, than are the rest of the family. This alone is the difference she may be more familiar, though not more rude, as being more dear, though not less subject than they. And this reverence of her's must be both inward and outward. First, the Heart of the wife must be held under, inwardly, with a dutiful respect of her husband. She must regard him as GOD’s Deputy; not looking to his Person, but to his Place, nor thinking so much who and what an one he is, as whose Officer. This the Apostle strictly enjoineth, saying, "Let the wife see that she reverence her husband:" as if he had said; Of all things let her most care-fully labor not to fail in this point of duty; for if she do, her whole carriage must needs be unbecoming. The Apostle's meaning is to prescribe a fear, not slavish, but loving, such as may well consist with the nearest union of hearts, and such as is to be seen between, CHRIST and his Church. This Fear of the wife is shown, when, in consideration of his place, she does abhor and shun it, as the greatest evil that can befall her, next to the breach of GOD’s commandments, to displease and offend her husband. We stand in due awe of GOD’s majesty, when we loathe the breach of his commandments, and the grieving of his SPIRIT, as the greatest of all evils. And the wife does duly fear her husband, when, next to the former evil, she shuns the disobeying, grieving, and displeasing of her husband, who is, next to GOD, above her. Such regard must her heart have of her head, that it may keep her hand, and tongue, and all, from disorder. I know this is not customary among the greater number of women; yea, they scarcely esteem it a seemly or a needful thing that it should be so, but care as little for their husbands, as their husbands for them. But if you wilt ever prove a virtuous wife, take much pains with thine heart, to make it stand in awe of thine husband; and know, that Gov has not, for nought, given the above-mentioned caveat unto women. As a woman grows in this inward respect, so may she look to get the better of all other infirmities; as she is careless herein, so shall she be pestered with all other enormities. But how shall a woman bring her heart to this respectful disposition P I answer, by looking through her husband to GOD, the Author of Marriage, and putting herself often in mind, not of his deserts, but of GOD’S Ordinance. 

 

 If one consider an inferior Officer in himself, he cannot sometimes but disdain him for his meanness; but if he consider him as the KING'S officer, entrusted with a part of his royal authority, his reverence to his Prince will produce some reverence to his Officer for his sake. The husband is to the wife the image and

 

glory of God. The power that is given to him is GOD’s originally, and his by GOD’s appointment. Look not, therefore, on the qualities of thine husband, but upon his place; and know, that you can not neglect or despise him, but the contempt redoundeth unto COD's dishonor, who has ordained him to be thine Head; so that if religion have seasoned thine heart with the fear of GOD, you shall fear thine husband also at his commandment.—But as the wife's Heart must, be affected with this loving fear, so must her outward Carriage show it, and that in two special things: first, in her Words; secondly, in her behavior.-Her Words are either to himself, of him behind his back, or to others before him: and all must have a taste of reverence.—Her speeches to himself must neither be sharp, sullen, or passionate, nor yet rude, care-less, or contemptuous, but such as carry the stamp of fear upon them, testifying that she well considers who herself is, and to whom she speaketh. The wife's tongue towards her husband must neither be keen nor loose, neither such as argues anger nor neglect, but savouring of all lowliness and quietness of affection; so that if another should stand by and hear them, he might lierccive (though he knew not otherwise,) that these are the words of an inferior to her better. Look what kind of words thyself wouldst dislike from thy servant or child, those must not you give to thine husband; for the same duty of fear is, in the same words, and in the same plainness, commanded to thee, that is unto them. Forbear then all speeches savouring of passion; but beware also of words that may betray contempt. I told you before, that it is the privilege of a wife, (because of her dearness,) that she may be familiar: but yet I have observed an excess of familiarity that deserveth to be blamed. Why should a woman bear herself so over-bold of her husband's kindness, as to nick-name him with those nick-names of familiarity, Tom, Dick, Ned, Will, Jack, or the like; as I have heard good wives do, but (I confess) with a distaste of their rudeness: for could a woman speak otherwise to her child or servant, than in such kind of abbreviated names as these 

 

 Certainly the woman's love must be tempered with fear; and those speeches of hers, which would show kindness, must also have a print of reverence

 

upon them, or else they are not allowable. Wherefore let wives be taught (in speaking to their husbands,) to learn of her, who called her husband by an honorable name. Leave Tom and Dick as names for thy boy; and call thine husband, Husband, or some other name of equal dignity. And thus must a woman's tongue be ordered towards her husband, when she speaks to him.--She must also look to her speeches directed to others in his presence, that they be such as may witness a due regard of him. His company must make her more careful of her behavior to any other before him, than otherwise she need to be. Her words to children and servants, in his sight and hearing, ought not to be loud and snappish. If she perceive a fault in them, she must yet remember, that her better stands by, and therefore must not speak but upon necessity, and then utter that reproof in a more still and mild manner than in his absence she might. No woman of government will allow her children and servants to be loud and brawling before her; and shall she herself be so before her husband—The woman's speeches of her husband behind his back, also, must be dutiful and respectful. She must not talk of him with a kind of carelessness or slightness of speech, much less in reproachful terms. Herein, the godly fact of SARAH is commended to our imitation, and must be put in practice; when she but thought of her husband, in the absence of all company, she did reverently entitle him by the name of my LORD. Who would bear a child speaking disgracefully and murmuringly against his own father, though behind his back And shall it be thought sufferable in a wife He that allows not an evil thought of the Prince, will not allow evil speeches of the Husband. Thus must a woman's Words be ordered towards her husband.-Something also must be spoken of her Gestures and Countenance, which, as well as her words, must be mixed with Reverence, and have a taste of fear. Both good and bad dispositions have more ways of uttering themselves than by the tongue. SOLOMON speaketh of an "Eye that despises the Mother."

 

 Surely then the Eye of the Wife also may be a despising Eye, and her whole behavior and gestures may proclaim contempt, though her tongue be altogether silent. Now these also must be looked unto, that they may not discover a base esteem of the husband. Rude and contemptuous behavior is no -less uncomely in an inferior, and does no less displease a superior, than the most fierce and outrageous speeches would do. Wherefore as she will condemn these in her children towards herself, so let her by no means allow them in herself against her husband, towards whom the LORD has bound her to practice reverence and fear, as much as any of her inferiors are bound unto her. For still it must be pressed upon the hearts of wives, that familiarity is allowed to them, but no rudeness. 

 

 The Second special Duty of a Wife is Subjection. Now that also has two parts; the first is, Obedience to her husband's Commandments; the second is, Submission to his Reproofs.—For the first, the Apostle does plainly give it in charge to women, saying, "Let the wife be subject to her husband in all things." What need we further proof Why is she his wife, if she will not obey him And how can she in his name require obedience of the children and servants, if she refuse to yield it unto him For doubtless she can expect it come otherwise than as his deputy, and a substitute under him. But the thing itself will not be so much questioned as the rneasure; not whether a wife must obey, but how far her obedience must extend. To this doubt the Apostle has yielded us a plain resolution, saying, " In all things in the LORD." Obedience, you see, must be general; only, so that it be in the LORD. In whatever matter a woman's yielding to her husband will not prove a rebellion against her Maker, in that matter she is bound in conscience to yield unto him, without any further question. Neither yet sufficeth it, that her obedience reach to all lawful things, unless it be also performed willingly, readily,- quietly, cheerfully; without brawling, contending, thwarting, or sourness. And thus you have heard the first part of subjection, obedience; a duty which, I doubt not, seems hard enough to woman-kind.—But the second part of subjection is yet more hard, and withal equally, if not more needful, that is, Submission in receiving Reproofs from an husband. As she must willingly obey all his lawful commandments, so must she patiently suffer all his reprehensions. Is not this duty plainly required in those words "As the Church is subject to CHRIST, so must also wives be to their own husbands in every thing." Doubtless, to bear reproofs is a necessary part of the Church's subjection unto CHRIST; neither shall it discharge its duty in striving to obey, unless, where it faileth, it be content to be chided. Wherefore it is impossible for women to loose their consciences from the bond of this subjection, unless they could show (which they shall never be able to skew,) some other text of Scripture limiting and abridging this.

 

CHAP. 15 Containing some Application of the whole Subject.

 

 AND first, this subject ministers good instruction to Young and Unmarried people, that they do not unadvisedly rush into this estate. A thing of such difficulty should not be slightly undertaken. They will have their hands full of duty; and if they get not their hearts full of grace, and their heads full of wisdom, they shall find an house full of trouble, and a life full of woe; meeting with gall instead of honey, and gravel instead of nourishing morsels. Wouldst you be married See what wisdom, what patience, what grace, fit to govern, or fit to obey, you findest in thyself. Get these before you be called to use them, or else marriage will not yield thee such contentment as thine imagination promises. Vain youths grow wanton, and must marry before they have any power to practice, any understanding to know, their duties. He that leaps over a broad ditch with a short staff shall fall into the midst; and he that enters upon matrimony without great grace, shall be mired in disquietude and vexation. Let unmarried people think of this, and be wise.

 

 Secondly, I must advise all Married Persons to become acquainted with these duties, and to mark their failings in the same. But mistake me not: I would that the wife should know hers, the husband his; and both, the common duties. I desire that they should observe each their own, not so much each other's failings. Indeed it may be feared, that divers hearers now will be worse for hearing, because they heard amiss. The husband may perhaps ring his wife a peal of her duty when he comes home, and tell her how her faults were described, and yet never consider his own duties or faults. The wife also may probably tell him of his own at home, when she has little or nothing to say to herself. Thus both shall be worse, when they seek to upbraid each other, not to amend each one. You, Husband, didst. listen attentively when the Woman's duties were handled; and saidst, "There he condemned my wife:" "at such a time she showed little reverence, less obedience." You, Wife, hadst the like thoughts concerning thy husband: " There he told him plainly of his duty:" " It is not long since he showed himself neither wise nor gentle:" "I wish he would see cause to amend." Unwise Man, unwise Woman; why hadst you not most care of thine own soul Couldst you mark what was good for another's disease, and not what for thine own Wilt you grow skilful concerning another's way, and not know one foot of that wherein thyself should travel Brethren, Sisters, let this be altered in us. If you be a Christian Husband, have more care to know that, and be more frequent in considering that, for which thine own soul must answer, than what lies to the account of another. So do you that art a Christian Wife. And that man or woman who sees not more faults and failings in him or herself, than in the yoke-fellow, betrays wonderful pride and ignorance, if he or she be not matched with one too notorious. If the heart were well touched, its own sins would appear more grievous, the husband's or wife's less. Contend, there-fore, not how short thy yoke-fellow comes, but not to come short thyself. Pass by the other's failings more easily, be more censorious towards thine own. This were to deal as a Christian, even to judge thyself. He never yet learnt to work well in any work, that would cast his eyes more upon his neighbor's fingers than his own: neither was he ever a good scholar, that would con his fellow's lesson, and not regard the task imposed upon himself. And this makes husbands and wives such ill pay-masters one to another, because they look often what is owing to them, not what they owe. I doubt not but experience will back my speech, if I pronounce, that they are not the best husbands and wives, who are heard to complain much of their yoke-fellow's defects in duty, little of their own. And yet is not this ordinary Every man would be a good husband, if his wife were not so bad; and she a good wife, were not he so excessively faulty. All the accusations, all the judgings, are darted at each other. What folly is this Understand, idle Man or Woman, that it is not the requiring or receiving of duty from others, but the knowing and performing of what pertains to thyself, that will make thee a Christian, comfort thee in temptation, rejoice thee in death, and stand for thee in judgment. And yet you art so loud and frequent in calling for duty, so dumb and ignorant in yielding it!

 

 To conclude; know thine own duty best, and mark most thine own transgressions of duty. Then shall you be free from brawls with thy yoke-fellow, if you be taken up with pains about thyself; and there is no better means of peace in families, than that every one should learn and ply his own work, and see and labor to amend his own faults. Have you then both, or either, been unchaste, unloving, unfaithful Repent both; and strain not courtesy, who shall begin; but let each set the other a copy of goodness. And if you will needs strive, let it be, which shall be best, which shall mend, first. Have you been a foolish, passionate, unjust Husband, full of bitter words, perhaps also (which is monstrous) of blows given causelessly, and in anger, not regarding thy wife's good, so you miglltest go away with thine own will Dive not into her faults; cry not out, she has been thus and thus to me: but repent of thy bitterness, unthriftiness, and folly of all sorts; confess it to GOD; and beseech him to make thee a better Husband, that thy Wife may be better. Have you been a disdainful, contemptuous, brawling, impatient, discontented, or disobedient Wife Ask thine heart before GOD, and dissemble not. If it be so, clamor not against thine Husband's folly; exclaim not of his rashness and hardness; but condemn thyself before Con, and call upon him, to make thee reverence and obey thine Husband, as a commander under him. Entreat him in mercy to make thee better, that thy Husband also may be better. Follow the proverb, "Let every one of you mend one," I mean himself, and then contention will cease. Pray for each one's self first, then for each other. Where you have offended, labor to see it; confess, bewail, and call for power to reform; and be not skilful to cast the fault upon another, but to cast it out of thyself. So shall your loves be sure, your hearts comfortable, your example commendable, your houses peaceful, yourselves joyful, your lives cheerful, your deaths blessed, and your memories happy for ever.