FAMILY DUTIES.

SECT. 1:
Of the Nature of Family Duties.

            HITHERTO of the duties which concern every man, in his own particular case; next to them succeed family duties, which ought to be jointly or respectively observed by the families and houses of the people of God. This is implied in that threat, " Pour out thy fury upon the families that call not upon thy name;" and in that example of Joshua, "But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord;" and that promise of GOD, "At the same time, says the Lord, will I be the GOD of all the families of Israel, and they shall be my people."

SECT. 1.
Of the Preparatives to Family Duties.

            Now that we may comfortably carry on these family duties, we must observe, 1. Our entrance into them. 2. Our proceedings in them.

For entrance, we must lay a good foundation in those that belong to the family. First, in the governor, whose duty it is, 1. To endeavor in a special manner to attain

knowledge in GOD’s Word, and holiness of conversa­tion; which would tend much to the preservation of his authority, who otherwise would be slighted and disre­garded. 2. To marry in the Lord, and then to live chastely in wedlock, that there may be an holy seed. 3. To beware whom he admits to dwell with him. See David's resolution herein, " Mine eyes shall be upon the faithful of the land, that they may dwell with me: he that walks in a perfect way shall serve me; he that works deceit shall not dwell within my house; he that tells lies shall not tarry in my sight." Secondly, in the governed, whose duty it is both to join together in the performance of family duties with their governor, and to submit to his government, " My son, hear the in­struction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother, for they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck."

SECT II
On the Duties of Governors ix general.

            IN the proceeding of these family duties, we are to consider the duties, 1. Of the governors. 2. Of the governed.

            1. The governors, if (as in marriage, there be more than one, as first, the chief governor, to wit, the hus­band, secondly, the helper, to wit, the wife: both these owe duties to - their families, and duties to one another. The duties they owe to their families, are, 1. In general to the whole: 2. In particular, according to their several relations. That which in general they owe to the whole family, respects both their bodies and souls. (1.) Their bodies; concerning which, says the apostle, " He that provideth not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, has denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." (2.) Their souls; concerning which some duties they are to perform to the.family, and some to require of the family.

            1. The duties they must perform to them are: First, To provide that they may live under the public ministry; for otherwise bow should they be brought into the sheep­fold of CHRIST, if they hear not the voice of the chief Shepherd speaking unto them by those whom he has sent. Secondly, To oversee the ways of their families, that they serve God; and, as in all other duties, so especially in sanctifying the Sabbaths. To this the very words in the fourth commandment, bind all masters, of families; "Remember,--Thou, and thy son, and thy daughter, thy man-servant, and thy maid:", where the Lord speaks by name to the governors, as if he would make theme overseers of this work of sanctifying of his Sabbaths. Thirdly, To offer prayers and praises to the Lord morning and evening. This was David's practice; "Evening, and morning, and at noon will I pray, and cry aloud, and he shall hear my voice." Fourthly, To instruct their families privately in matters of religion, that they may not only profess, but feel the power of religion. This duty implies:

            1. A familiar catechising of them,in the principles of religion: thus were parents commanded of old, - Thou shall teach these words. diligently unto thy children, and shall talk of them when Thou sittest in thine house, and when Thou walkest by the way, and when Thou liest down, and when Thou risest up.." (2.) A daily reading of Scriptures in their heari g, directing them to mark and to make use of them: so Timothy was trained up by his parents, and that from his hildhood. (3.) A careful endeavoring that they may pro t by the public ministry. To this end they must prepare them to hear the word, by considering GOD’s ordinances, promises, and their own necessities. 2. They must advise them to look into the word for CHRIST, and for communion with CHRIST. 3. They must examine them after the. ordinances, what they have learned, and what use they can make of it.

            2. The duties they are to require of the family are, both carefully to frequent the public ministry, and diligently to attend to the private worship of GOD, and constantly to practice all holy and Christian duties; and they are to require these things, not only by telling them, calling on them, catechising them, admonishing them; but, if they be negligent, by correcting them. But this correction must be used in wisdom and patience. 1. In wisdom, whose property it is to find out the right party that committed the fault, to consider of what sort the fault was, to weigh circumstances of age, discretion, and occasions; and to look to the mind of the doer, whether negligence or mere simplicity brought him to it. 2. In patience, whose property it is to make the. fault manifest to the offender, that his conscience may be touched there­with; to hear what the offender can say in his own defense, and accordingly to allow or disallow; to avoid bitterness, which sooner will harden the heart than reform the manners of the offender. These rules being observed, and the heart lifted up in prayer to GOD for direction and blessing; this correction, which is necessary, as is evident from Prov. 13: 24, xix. 18, will not be in vain.  These are the duties that governors owe to their families in respect of their souls; to correct them, catechize them, admonish them, call on them, read to them, pray for them.

SECT. 4:
Of the Duties of Parents to their Children.

            THE duties in particular which governors owe to the family, according to their relations, are as parents to their children, or as masters to their servants..

1. The duties of parents to the bodies of their children contain many particulars, but may be all comprised under this one head, A provident care for their temporal good. The first age of a child is its infancy, and the first part of its infancy is while it remains in the mother's womb. Here the duty lies principally upon the mother, to have a special care of it, that it may be safely brought forth. The next degree of a child's infancy is while it is in the swadling-band, and remains a sucking child: in this also the care more especially lies on the mother, whose duty it is to take all the pains she possibly can for the good of her child.

            The second age of a child is its Youth, from the time it begins to be of any discretion, till it be fit to be placed forth. Now the duty of parents at this time is, to ouris h and nurture their children. Under nourishment are comprised food, apparel, means for recovery of health when they are sick; in which if parents provide not for their children; they are worse than infidels: and under nurture are comprised good manners, a good calling, frequent admonition, reprehension, correction, the last remedy, which may do good when nothing else can, Prov. xix. 18, 23: 13, 14, 29: 17.

            2. The duty of parents to the souls of their children ex­tends itself also to all times; as, 1. To their infancy; 2. To their Youth; 3. To the time of the parent's departure out of this world. In their infancy their duty is, (1.) To pray for their children. Thus did Rebekah, while the children were quick in her womb. Those parents that neglect this duty to their children, consider not rightly that they are conceived in sin. (2.) To make sure (so much as in them lies,) that their children be born under the promise, or under the covenant, in resp of the spiritual part of it. How? By making sure that they be under the pro­mise or covenant themselves. If GOD in CHRIST be their GOD, they may have a comfortable hope that GOD will be the GOD of their seed, according to the promise, " I will be thy GOD, and the GOD of thy seed." (3.) When their children are born; the duty of the parents is, to give up their children unto GOD, casting them into the hands of his Providence, into the arms of his mercy, begging for them a gracious acceptation with God; and to tender them to the ordinance, or sacrament’ of baptism, to get the seal of the covenant set upon them.

            2. The second age of a child, is its Youth. Now the duty of parents to their children at this time, is to train them up in true piety, "To bring them up in the nur­ture and admonition of the Lord. To this end: 1. When children begin to read, let them read the Holy Scriptures: so was Timothy trained up from a child. 2. Let children be catechized constantly from day to day: only with this caveat, that parents deal with their children as skilful nurses and mothers do in feeding their children, 1: e. not to give them too much at once; overmuch dulls a child's understanding, and breeds wearisomeness to it. It is most suitable to give them " precept upon precept, pre­cept upon precept, line upon line, line -,upon line, here a little, and there a little." Thus shall they learn with ease and delight, and in time a great measure of know­ledge will be gained thereby. 3. Let; parents declare to their children, the admirable works that GOD in former times has done for his church, especially such works as he has done in their time. Outward sensible things do best-work upon children, and therefore this direction was given under the law, Josh. 4: 6, 21. -4. Let parents be to their children good patterns, leading them to CHRIST by their examples: this will take effect with children more than all precepts. 5. Let parents reprove and correct their children for sin; and that the Lord may sanctify this correction unto them, "Consider this, O ye parents!" Do Thou observe such and such sins in Your children? Enter into Your own hearts, examine Thourselves, whether they come not from Thou: consider how justly the hand of GOD may be upon Thou; and when Thou are angry with Your children, have an holy anger against Your own selves, and use this. or the like meditation with Your own souls, "Lord, shall I thus punish my own sin in my child? How then may Thou be displeased with me for the too carnal conception of my child. It may be I then lay in some sin, or I asked not the child of thee by prayer. Be merciful to me, O Lord, and in thy good time show Thou pity on me and my child!" 6. As chil­dren grow in years, and in the knowledge of CHRIST, and of justification by CHRIST, let parents train them up in the exercise of all duties; as prayer, meditation, self examination, watchfulness, and all means public and private. If this be done, the world to come may reap the benefit of their education. Such children as Thou bring up, such parents will they be, (when Thou are gone,) to their children.

            3. The last time to which the duty of parents extends itself is the time of their departure out of the world, and, then they owe to their children good direction and faithful prayer. 1. For direction: when parents observe their time to draw near, it is their duty then especially to commend some wise and wholesome precepts to their children, the better to direct them in their Christian course. The words of a dying parent are especially re­garded, and make a deeper impression. 2. For prayer: then is the most proper time for parents to pray and to bless all their children. As they commend their own souls unto GOD’s hands, so let them commend their children unto GOD’s grace. GOD’s providence and promises are the best inheritance in the world, and if parents (in their prayers,) leave these to their children, they can never want any thing that is good. O! the faithful prayers of parents for their children (especially when they are leaving their children and going to GOD,) must needs, in, for, and through CHRIST, prevail mightily with God.

SECT. 5:
Of the Duties of Masters to Servants.

            The duty of masters to their servants is either to their bodies, or to their souls.

            1. The duty of masters to the bodies o their servants consists in these particulars, viz. in a provision of food, Prov..xxxi. 15, 27: 27. In a wise care for their clothing, Prov. xxxi. 21. In a well-ordering of their labor, so as they may be able to undergo it; their ease, rest, and intermission from labor at seasonable times. In paying them sufficient wages, Deut. 24: 14, 15. In a careful preserving of their health, and using means for’their recovery in case of sickness, Matt. viii. 6, and that not of the servant's wages, but of the master's own charge, otherwise they undo not the heavy burden, but rather lay burden upon burden.

2. The duty of masters to the souls of their servants consists in these particulars, viz. in teaching them the principles of religion, and all duties of piety; in causing them to attend the public ministry of the word and worship of God; in taking account of their profiting by the public and private means of edification; in praying for them, and as they observe any grace wrought in them, in praising GOD for it, and praying for the increase of it.

SECT. VI
Of the Duties of the Husband and Wife.

            THE duties which the chief governor and his helper owe to one another, are either common and mutual, or peculiar to each.

            1. The common mutual duties between man and wife, are matrimonial unity, and matrimonial chastity; loving affection of one another, and provident care of one for the other.

The former duties being pre-supposed, there ought to be:­

First, A loving and affectionate pouring out of their hearts, with much dearness into each other's bosom. This mutual melting-heartedness, being preserved fresh and fruitful; will infinitely sweeten and beautify the mar­riage state. Now for the preservation of this love, let them consider, 1. The compassionate and melting com­pellations which CHRIST and his spouse exchange in the Canticles: "My fair one, my love, my dove, my unde­filed, my well-beloved, the chief of ten Thousand." Such.a fervent and chaste love as this all married couples should imitate. 2. The command of GOD, "Husbands, love Your wives," Eph. 5: 25; and "Wives, love Your husbands," Tit. 2: 4. Methinks this charge, oft considered, should ever beat back all heart-rising and bitterness, all wicked wishes that they had never met together. When the knot is tied, every man should think his wife the fittest for him, and every wife should think her husband the fittest for -her of any other in the world.

Secondly, a provident care of one for the other; which should extend to the _body: "No man hateth his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it.:" but especially to the soul; in praying for and with each other: in taking notice; of the beginning and least measure of grace, and approving the same; in conferring about such things as concern the same, mutually propounding questions, and giving answers to one another; in maintaining holy and religious exercises in the family, and between their own selves; in stirring up one another _to hear the word, to receive the Lord's supper, and to attend all the parts of GOD’s public worship. In case the one prove uncon­verted, let the other wait, and pray, and expect GOD’s good time. Or, in case the one be a babe in CHRIST, let the other deal lovingly, meekly, and let our Lord JESUS in his tender-heartedness to spiritual Youths, teach us mercy this way, who is said to "gather the lambs with his arms, and to carry them in his bosom, and gently to lead those that are with young.­

            2. The peculiar duties of each are

            1. Of the husband, whose. duty it is, 1. That he dearly love his wife. 2. That he wisely maintain and manage his authority over her.

No question the wife is to love her husband, and a brother to love his brother, and a friend to love his friend; but more especially is the husband to love his wife. To this purpose she is called, The wife of his bosom, to show that she ought to be as "his heart in his bosom. He must love her at all times, he must love her in all things. Love must season and sweeten his speech, carriage, actions towards her. Love must show itself in his commands, reproofs, admonitions, instructions, au­thority, familiarity with her; the origin of which love must not be from her beauty or nobility, but especially because she is his sister in the Christian religion, and an inheritor with him in the kingdom of heaven; because she bears him children, the heirs of his name and sub­stance; and because of the union and conjunction of marriage. Love growing on beauty, riches, lust, or any other slight grounds, soon vanisheth; but if grounded on these considerations, and especially an this union of marriage, it is lasting and true. The want hereof is the fountain of strife, quarrelling, and debate, which converts the paradise of marriage into an hell.

            For the manner of this love, the apostle gives it thus, " Husbands, love Your own wives, even as CHRIST also loved the church." Now the love of CHRIST to his church is commended to us in these particulars --I. His love was every way free. So should husbands love their wives, Though there be nothing in their wives to move them, but merely because they are their wives. 2. CHRIST began it to the church before the church could love him: so should husbands begin to love their own wives. I know some wivess prevent their husbands herein, but the greater is their glory. This pattern of CHRIST should rather stir up their husbands to go before them. 3. The truth of CHRIST's love was manifested by the fruits thereof to his church; " He gave himself for it, that he might sanctify it and cleanse it, and present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle:" so must husbands love their wives in truth, by guiding them in the way of life, for this is the true character of a sincere love. 4. CHRIST's love is an holy, pure, and chaste love; as he himself is, so is his love; such must be the love of hus­bands, an holy, pure, and chaste love. Away with all intemperance, excessive, or `any ways * of the marriage bed; -from which, if the fear of Odd, Imitation of CHRIST, love of purity, -awfulness of GOD’s ill­ seeing-eye cannot-draw; yet that horror lest (should punish "such a couple with no children; or this-shaper children, or with idiots, or wicked children, or with some other heavy cross,, one would think, should be able to affright them. 5. CHRIST 1" having -'lowed his own, loved them unto the end." Such must be the love of husbands, firm love, an inviolable love. The ground of it must' be GOD’s ordinance, and the support of it must be an in­violable resolution that no provocation shall ever change it. Husbands must pass by all infirmities, endeavoring in love to redress them, if possibly they can, or if not, to bear with them.

            The second duty of an husband is, wisely to maintain and manage his authority. Now, the managing of it consists -in two things: 1. That he tenderly respect her. 2. That he carefully provide for her. 1. He must tenderly respect her, as his wife, companion, yoke-fellow; as his de­light, and the desire of his eyes, and never be bitter against her. Bitterness ordinarily turneth the edge of the husband's authority.. If therefore any matter of unkindness arise, (as sometimes certainly it will,) then must he -carefully, with all gentleness and patience, -quiet all, and never suffer himself nor his wife to sleep in displeasure. "-Let not the sun go down upon Your wrath." Or, if he shall have occasion to reprove her, he must keep his words until a convenient time, (not do it in presence of others,) and then in the spirit of meekness and love. Surely, if she be not corrected by a word of wisdom, she will never amend by threats or rigorous carriage. And if she once begin to lose her shamefacedness in the presence of her husband, it is likely there will be often quarrels between them, and the house will be full of disquietness. It is best therefore to deal wisely with her, o admonish her often, to reprehend her seldom, never to lay violent hands on her; if she be dutiful, to cherish her, that she may so

continue; if wayward, mildly to suffer her, that she may not wax worse.

            2. He must carefully provide for her to this purpose he is called her head, as CHRIST is head of the church. The head, Thou know, is the fountain of motion, quicken­ing, life to the body; so should the husband be as the well-spring of liveliness, lightsomeness, light-heartedness to his wife: she has forsook all for him, and therefore she should receive from him a continual influence to cheerful walking, and comfortably enjoying herself.

            2. The duties proper to the wife are these:-I. That she be in submission to her husband. 2. That she be an helper to him all her days.  1. Wives must be in subjection to their own hus­bands. Sarah obeyed Abraham, and called him Lord. But here is a case of conscience. 1. What if her -husband be a son of Belial, and an enemy to CHRIST, must she then yield subjection? Yes: because in his office as her husband he is as in CHRIST's stead. The church is compared to "a lily among thorns;" she remains lily-like, white, soft, pleasant, and amiable, Though she be joined with thorns, which are prickly and sharp. So a wife must be meek, mild, gentle, obedient, Though she be matched with a crooked, perverse, and wicked husband. She must in this case remove her eyes from the disposition of her husband's person to the condition of his place, and by virtue thereof (seeing he bears CHRIST's image,) be subject unto him as unto CHRIST. 2. What if her husband command things contrary to CHRIST, must she therein be subject? No: "Submit as unto the Lord." If she submits to things contrary to CHRIST, she submits not "as to the Lord." Conscientious wives must remember they have an husband in heaven, as well as on earth, `between whom there is a greater diffe uce tlen between heaven and earth. And therefore, in ease they order contrary things, they must prefer GOD before man, CHRIST before all, men.

            2. Wives must be helpers to their husbands. Now this helpfulness consists in these things: 1. That she be careful to preserve his person, in sickness or health, in adversity or prosperity, in Youth or old age. 2. That she learn and _labor to fore-cast, contrive, and manage her household affairs; for which see a glorious pattern in Prov..xxxi. 3. That she may help her husband, in erecting and estab­lishing CHRIST's glorious kingdom in their house, and especially in their own hearts. This is that one necessarap thing, without which their family is but SATAN's. seminary, and a nursery for hell. This will marvelously sweeten all reproaches cast upon them by envenomed tongues. This will sweetly seal unto them their assurance of meet­ing together in heaven..

Thus much of the duties of governors; we now come to the governed.

SECT. VII,

Of Duties of Children to Parents.

            1. THE inward duties which children owe to their parents, are love and fear. Love, like sugar, sweetens fear; and fear, like salt, seasons love. There must be a loving fear, and a fearing love. Hence the fear of a child is opposed to the fear of a slave; for a child's fear being mixed with love, has respect to the offence which a parent may take; but a, slave's fear, which is ordinarily mixed with hatred, has respect to nothing but the pu­nishment which his master may inflict upon him. This love-like fear is so proper to children, that the awful respect which the saints bear to GOD is called a filial fear. Children have received their substance from the very substance of their parents, and therefore they are: to­ perform this duty of love and fear to them 2. The outward duties, or the manifestation of this love and fear in children, must appear, 1. In their. reverence in speech and- carriage. They must give to their parents reverent and holy titles, meek and humble speeches, obeisance as becomes their age and sex. - Thus Joseph and Solomon bowed, the one to his father, and the other to his mother. Contrary hereto is mocking and despising father and mother; of which, said Solomon, "The eye that mocks at his father, and despises to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out:- a phrase that sets forth the end of a notorious malefactor that is hanged in the air till the ravens pick out his eyes. 2. In their obedience to the commands, instructions, reproofs and corrections of their parents, Eph. 6: 1, Prov. 1: 8, 9. The reason is, because of GOD, whom the Father represents. Children must remember, that whatsoever they do to their parents they do it to God; when they disobey them, they disobey God; when they please them, they please God; when their parents are justly angry with them, GOD is angry with them; nor can they recover GOD’s favor (Though all the saints of heaven should entreat for them,) till they have submitted themselves to their parents, with this limitation, that they submit or obey them "in the Lord," Eph. 6: 1. 3. In their recompence. This is a duty whereby children endeavor (as much as in them lies,) to repay what they can for their parents' kindness, care, and cost towards them, in the way of thankfulness. In sick­ness, they must visit them; in want they must provide for them; in time of danger, they must endeavor to effect their protection.

SECT. VIII.
Of the Duties of Servants to their Masters.

'Duties of servants to their masters, are either inward, as fear; or outward, as reverence and obedience.

            1. The inward duty is fear: " Servants, be subject to Your masters with all fear, and account them worthy of all honor." So proper is this fear to a servant, that where it is wanting, there is a plain denial of his master's place and power. " If I be a master, where is my fear?"

said God. I mean not slavish fear, as when a servant fears nothing but the revenging power, of his master; but an awful fear of provoking his master, so that it makes him consider every way how he may please him: and such a fear draws him on cheerfully to perform his duty.

            2. Outward duties, which issue from this fear, are reverence and obedience. 1. Reverence, which is mani­fested in speech and carriage. Thus servants must give reverent titles to their masters, as father, lord, and -master, &c. They must yield obeisance to them; "as the children of the prophets, when they saw that the spirit of Elijah rested on Elisha, came to meet him,. and bowed themselves to the ground before him." 2. Obe­dience, which has respect to the commands, instructions, reproof, and corrections of, their masters, 1 Pet. 2: 18, 2O. B t here a case- or two of conscience arises.

            1. How far they must obey; or what is the extent of servants' obedience to masters?-The apostle answers, " Servants, obey, in all things, Your masters according to the flesh." It is not sufficient that servants perform well their duties in some things; they must do it in all things; yea, in things that may be against their own liking, if their masters will have it so. Like as Peter, when CHRIST bid him- launch out. into the deep, and let down his net for. a. draught, "he answered, Master, we have toiled all the night, and have taken nothing; nevertheless, at thy word, I will let down the net." So mm t servants say, when they have a peremptory command,/Though contrary to their own judgments, "This or that in all humility I suppose, I Nevertheless, at Your word, I will let down the net;' I will do as Thou please."

            2. But. what if GOD and, a master should command contrary things? In such a. case, the apostle sets down an excellent limitation in these four phrases; 1. As unto CHRIST. 2. As the servants of CHRIST. 3. Doing the will of God. 4. As to the Lord. All these imply, That if masters command their servants any thing contrary to CHRIST, they may not yield to it. Upon this ground the midwives of the Hebrew women would not kill the Hebrew children; " They feared GOD," (says the text,) " and did not as the king commanded them." In this case, Joseph is commended in not hearkening to his mistress; and the servants of Saul are commended in refusing to slay the Lord's priests at their master's command. When masters command or forbid any thing against GOD and CHRIST, they go beyond their commission, and their authority ceases; so that servants may say, "We ought to obey GOD rather than man." I have now run through the family, and informed Thou of the duties both of governors and the governed. Christians, look within Thou, look about Thou; "That man is not a good man that is not good in all his relations." The same GOD that requires us to serve him as private per­sons, requires us to serve him in our relations. And therefore, Though Thou be never so careful of Your duty in the former respect, yet Thou may go to hell for neglecting Your duties as masters, servants, husbands, wives, parents, or children. Though if Thou should be good in one rela­tion, yet if Thou endeavor not to be good in every rela­tion, Thou shall never go to heaven. For the same GOD that commands Thou to serve him as a master, commands Thou to serve him as a father, as an husband. "Anc •he that keeps the whole law, and offends in one point, is guilty of all."