The Journal of Charles Wesley

January 3 - April 30, 1749

Tues., January 3d, 1749. My brother wrote as follows to Mrs. Gwynne. I enclosed it in my own, and sent both letters, after offering them up to the divine disposal. [A blank space is here left in the original manuscript, but the letter is not inserted. From subsequent statements it appears that it contained Mr. John Wesley's proposal to Mrs. Gwynne, that he would secure to his brother Charles the sum of one hundred pounds per annum, from the profits of their books.--EDIT.]

I buried Alexander White, and preached on, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished my course," &c. We were all partakers of His joy.

Mon., January 9th. I visited sister Smith, sick and in pain; but her pain was swallowed up in love. "Were I to choose," said she, "I should choose death: but let my Lord choose for me. I want nothing but his love."

Fri., January 13th. I read, undisturbed, a letter from Mrs. Gwynne, dissatisfied with my brother's proposal. I visited Mr. Perronet the next day. He has indeed acted the part of a father: another proof whereof is this letter of his to Mrs. Gwynne:-- "Shoreham, January 14th, 1749.

"Madam,--As the trouble of this proceeds from the most sincere friendship, I have reason to believe you will easily excuse it.

"Give me leave then, Madam, to say, that if you and worthy Mr. Gwynne are of opinion that the match proposed by the Rev. Mr. Charles Wesley be of God, neither of you will suffer any objections, drown from this world, to break it off. Alas, Madam! what is all this world, and the glories of it? How little does the world appear to that mind, whose affections are set on things above I This state is what I trust you are seriously seeking after. I am sure it is a state worth every Christian's seeking after, and what every Christian must seek after, if ever he hopes to get to heaven.

"I have a daughter now designed for a pious gentleman, whose fortune is not half that of our friend's; and yet I would not exchange him for a Star and Garter. I only mention this that I might not appear to offer an opinion which I would not follow myself.

"However, I have been hitherto speaking as if Mr. Wesley's circumstances really wanted an apology: but this is not the case. The very writings of these two gentlemen are, even at this time, a very valuable estate; and when it shall please God to open the minds of people more, and prejudice is worn off, it will be still much more valuable. I have seen what an able bookseller has valued a great part of their works at, which is £2,500: but I will venture to say, that this is not half their value. They are works which will last and sell while any sense of true religion and learning shall remain among us. However, as they are not of the same nature with an estate in land, they cannot be either sold or pledged without the most manifest loss and inconvenience.

"I shall trouble you, Madam, no farther, than only to add, that from the time I had the pleasure of seeing Miss Gwynne at my house, I have often had her upon my mind. I then perceived so much grace and good sense in that young lady, that, when this affair was first mentioned to me, I could not help rejoicing at what promised so much happiness to the church of God.

"May that God, in whose hands are the hearts of the children of men, direct all of you in such a manner as may tend to the promoting His honour, and the kingdom of His dear Son. I am, with great respect to worthy Mr. Gwynne, yourself, and good family, Madam, "Your very sincere and affectionate friend and servant, "VINCENT PERRONET."

Mon., January 23d. I received letters from Garth, consenting to our proposals.

Sat., January 28th. I married William Briggs and Eliz. Perronet; who seem quite made for each other.

Tues., January 31st. I found life and comfort in the small remnant at Deptford.

Tues., February 14th. I was assisted to preach twice a day, the last fortnight; and pitied an unhappy friend for her confident assertion, that the Lord is departed from me. Let the rest of her words and actions be buried in eternal oblivion.

At four this morning I set out for Garth, with my brother and Charles Perronet. At Kensington my horse threw me. My foot hung by the spur. My company were gone before; when a servant flew to my help, and I rose unhurt.

Wed., February 15th. I dined at the Rector of Lincoln's. I waited on our Dean and others; all extremely civil.

Fri., February 17th. Our wanderings through the bogs, &c., ended at eight in the evening. Sally met me, before I entered the house, with news that her brother was come, and very vehement against the match; yet he received us with great courtesy.

Sat., February 18th. Mrs. Gwynne was extremely open and affectionate; has fought my battles against her own relations, particularly her son, who has behaved very violently towards her. Miss Becky told him, he might think it a great honour done him by my proposal. Mrs. Gwynne, my brother, and I, had a conference. He repeated his proposals, and agreed to make them good; being entirely reconciled to the settlement, for which Mr. Gwynne and Mr. Perronet were to be the Trustees.

Sun., February 19th. I returned to Garth from the sacrament at Macsmynis. Mr. H. Gwynne was very obliging. I drove his father to church, where we heard a good sermon. I had a conference with my brother and Sally. She promised to let me continue my vegetable diet and travelling.

Mon., February 20th. Mr. H. Gwynne was now as affable as the rest; said he had nothing to object, and behaved as if his heart was entirely turned towards us.

Tues., February 21st. My brother and Charles Perronet left us. I stayed a week longer, preaching twice a day.

Sun., February 26th. Mrs. Gwynne assured me, she should not change; talked freely of our marriage, and would have got me to promise not to go again to Ireland. But Sally would not let me, saying, she should be glad herself to visit the many gracious souls in that country.

Mon., February 27th. I commended them once more to God, and took horse with Harry. It rained all day, yet we reached Usk by night; and the next morning break-at Bristol.

Fri., March 3d. I met George Whitefield, and made him quite happy by acquainting him with my design.

Mon., March 6th. I mentioned it to the select band, desiring their prayers, not their advice.

Fri, March 10th. I prayed by happy Sally Huntington. The approach of death has put all her troubles to flight.

Miss Burdock, to whom I told my affair, expressed the strongest approbation. We had s very solemn watchnight.

Thur., March 16th. I rode with Charles Perronet, in a day and an half, to London. I expounded, in bodily weakness, Hab. iii.: "Though the fig-tree shall not blossom," &c. The power of the Lord was present, and great love we felt towards each other.

Sat., March 18th. Returning from Shoreham, I narrowly escaped being crushed to death by a dray on London bridge.

Sun, March 19th. An extraordinary blessing attended the word preached both at the chapel and every other place. In the sacrament I was constrained to pray again and again, with strong cryings and tears. So it was every day of this great and holy week.

Easter-day, March 26th. The convincing and comforting Spirit reached our hearts, both in the word and sacrament.

In the evening I took my leave of the Society, who express a general satisfaction in my intentions. Surely, both Jesus and his disciples are bidden.

Wed., March 29th. Having, by the help of Mr. Lloyd and his Lawyers, settled everything to Mrs. Gwynne's wish, I set out at three, with Charles Perronet, for Bristol, in my way to Wales. I lodged the first night at Oxford.

Thur., March 30th. I took horse again at seven, and God prospered our journey to Cireneester. I expounded Rom. viii. 32, and met the Society, to our mutual comfort.

Fri., March 31st. My text in the morning was, "If ye then be risen with Christ, seek the things which are above, where Christ sitteth at the right hand of God." He strongly drew our hearts after him, as the tears of many testified.

I stopped to pray By an aged woman, who lay a-dying, and knew not God. She then received faith to be healed. By two we came to Felix Farley's, and soon after to Kingswood, where we found our beloved sisters Murray and Davey, who joined us in prayer and joyful thanksgiving.

Sat., April 1st. Just as we were setting out for Wales, my brother appeared full of scruples, and refused to go to Garth at all. I kept my temper, and promised, "if he not be satisfied there, to desist." I saw all was still in God's hands, and committed myself to Him.

Sun., April 2d. The Lord opened my mouth to apply those weighty words, "If ye then be risen with Christ, seek the things which are above."

I had wrote our friends notice, that I should be at Cardiff to-morrow, and on Tuesday or Wednesday at Garth. But I found my brother had appointed to preach in several till Friday; which I did not take kindly.

Mon., April 3d. He seemed quite averse to signing his own agreement: yet at five we set out with an heavy heart. Our brother Thomas met us on the Welsh side. Before five I came, weary, faint, oppressed to Cardiff, and lay down, being unable to stand.

Tues., April 4th. I met Mr. Hodges at Fonmon. He asked me, "My brother, what are you seeking in this thing? Happiness? Then you will be sadly disappointed. If an help and comfort only, look up to God, and he will surely give it you." I heard my brother at the Castle, and again in the morning.

Wed., April 5th. I lodged with him at Lantrissent.

Thur., April 6th. I was his hearer at five, and nine, and twelve, in Aberther church. By seven we got to Brecknook. An hour after, Mr. James came. I waited with him on Mr. Williams, the Surrogate, for a licence. He was extremely civil; refusing his fees from a brother Clergyman.

Fri., April 7th. I rose at four, and got an hour for prayer and the Scripture; That word in particular came with power to my heart, "Thus saith the Lord, If my covenant be not with day and night, and if I have not appointed the ordinances of earth and heaven; then I will cast away the seed of Jacob, and David my servant, --for I will cause their captivity to return, and will have mercy upon them." I came to Garth by nine; found them at breakfast; almost equally welcome to all. We talked over matters with Mrs. Gwynne; and all my brother's fears were scattered. We read over the settlement. Mrs. Gwynne proposed a bond, till it could be signed. My brother signed the bond; Miss Becky and Miss Musgrave witnessed it.

We crowded as much prayer as we could into the day.

Sat., April 8th. "Sweet day! so cool, so calm, so bright, The bridal of the earth and sky."

Not a cloud was to be seen from morning till night. I rose at four; spent three hours and an half in prayer, or singing, with my brother, with Sally, with Beck. And led MY SALLY to church. Her father, sisters, Lady Rudd, Grace Bowen, Betty Williams, and, I think, Billy Tucker, and Mr. James, were all the persons present. At the church-door I thought of the prophecy of a jealous friend, "that if we were even at the church-door to be married, she was sure, by revelation, that we could get no." We both smiled at the remembrance. We got farther. Mr. Gwynne gave her to me (under God): my brother joined our hands. It was a most solemn season of love! Never had I more of the divine presence at the sacrament. My brother gave out the following hymn: -- "Come, thou everlasting Lord, By our trembling hearts adored; Come, thou heaven-descended Guest, Bidden to the marriage-feast! "Sweetly in the midst appear, With thy chosen followers here; Grant us the peculiar grace, Show to all thy glorious face. "Now the veil of sin withdraw, Fill our souls with sacred awe,-- Awe that dares not speak or move, Reverence of humble love. "Love that doth its Lord descry, Ever intimately nigh, Hears whom it exults to see, Feels the present Deity. "Let on us thy Spirit rest, Dwell in each devoted breast; Thou with thy disciples sit, Thou thy works of grace repeat. "Now the ancient wonder show, Manifest thy power below; All our thoughts exalt, refine, Turn the water into wine. "Stop the hurrying spirit's haste, Change the soul's ignoble taste; Nature into grace improve, Earthly into heavenly love. "Raise our hearts to things on high, To our Bridegroom in the sky; Heaven our hope and highest aim, Mystic marriage of the Lamb. "O might each obtain is share Of the pure enjoyments there; Now, in rapturous surprise, Drink the wine of Paradise; "Own, amidst the rich repast, Thou hast given the best at last; Wine that cheers the host above, The best wine of perfect love!"

He then prayed over us in strong faith. We walked back to the house, and joined again in prayer. Prayer and thanksgiving was our whole employment. We were cheerful without mirth, serious without sadness. A stranger, that intermeddleth not with our joy, said, "It looked more like a funeral than a wedding." My brother seemed the happiest person among us.

Sun., April 9th. We all partook of the Lord's supper; and our souls were satisfied with his comforts. I spent good part of the day in writing letters: heard my brother at night.

Mon., April 10th. At four my brother took his leave of us. I passed the day in prayer, chiefly with my dearest friend. In the afternoon Mr. Gwynne, of Glanbran, camevisit them. He took no notice of me, or I of him. I explained at night the happiness of religion from Prey. iii., and invited them to partake of it.

Tues., April 11th. I rode with Mr. Philips to Builth. The Lord applied hls most precious promise, "I will pour out the Spirit of grace and supplications." I discoursed at Garth, with delightful enlargement, on "the one thing needful."

Sun., April 16th. I preached constantly the last week at Garth; only once at Lansaintfrald. I carried my beloved Sally to Maesmynis. We had sweet fellowship in theand in prayer. I rode on to Lansaintfraid, and preached a third time at Garth, with a close application on watching unto prayer.

Mon., April l7th, The Lord was never more with me, than he was at Builth, while I spake from those words, "These are they that came out of great tribulation." All the hearers were in tears: but it was a blessed mourning.

Thur., April 20th. I took my leave of Garth in those words of our Lord, "Be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life."

Fri., April 21st. I took horse with Sally, Betsy, and my father. We slept at Abergavenny.

Sat., April 22d. I cheerfully left my partner for the Master's work, and rode on with Harry to Bristol. We made so much haste, that I left all my strength behind me. I was glad to go to bed, as soon as I came in.

Sun., April 23d. Dr. Middleton sweated, blooded, vomited me. Yet on Monday I attempted to preach; but my body failed.

Wed., April 26th. I received strength to urge my hearers to come boldly to the throne of grace. The word was quick and powerful. I had a second blessing among the bands.

Thur., April 27th. I had prayer for a blessing upon the word this day, and God.heard and answered, while I expounded John xvii. There was scarce a soul present that was not broken down.

Fri., April 28th. Some letters from Garth brought life with them. I prayed and wept over the beloved writers. In the evening I proceeded in my exposition of John xvii. And still our Lord owned the words for his.

Sat., April 29th. "They that seek me early shall find me." This word was made good to the morning audience.

Sun., April 30th. We had a solemn, joyous sacrament in Kingswood. At Conham I thundered, "O ye dry bones, hear ye the word of the Lord"

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