The Journal of Charles Wesley
May 1 - August 31, 1738
Mon., May 1st. Mr. Piers called to see me. I exhorted him to labour
after that faith which he thinks I have, and I know I have not. After receiving
the sacrament, I felt a small anticipation of peace, and said, "Now I have
demonstration against the Moravian doctrine that a man cannot have peace without
assurance of his pardon. I now have peace, yet cannot say of s surety that my
sins are forgiven." The next and several times after that I received the
sacrament, I had not so much as bare attention, God no longer trusting me with
comfort, which I should immediately turn against himself.
For some days following I felt a faint longing for faith; and
could pray for nothing else. My desires were quickened by a letter of Mr. Edmunds,
seeking Christ as in an agony.
Sat., May 6th. God still kept up the little spark of desire, which
he himself had enkindled in me; and I seemed determined to speak of, and wish
for, nothing but faith in Christ. Yet could not this preserve me from sin; which
I this day ran into with my eyes open: so that after ten years' vain struggling,
I own and feel it absolutely unconquerable. By bearing witness to the truth
before Miss Delamotte, Mr. Baldwyn, and others, I found my desires of apprehending
Christ increased.
Thur., May 11th. I was just going to remove to old Mr. Hutton's,
when God sent Mr. Bray to me, a poor ignorant mechanic, who knows nothing but
Christ; yet by knowing him, knows and discerns all things. Some time ago I had
taken leave of Peter B5hler, confessed my unbelief and want of forgiveness,
but declared my firm persuasion that I should receive the atonement before I
died. His answer was, "Be it unto thee according to thy faith."
Mr. Bray is now to supply Bohler's place. We prayed together for
faith. I was quite overpowered and melted into tears, and hereby induced to
think it was God's will that I should go to his house, and not to Mr. Hutton's.
He was of the same judgment. Accordingly I was carried thither in a chair.
His sister I found in earnest pursuit of Christ; his wife well
inclined to conversion. I had not been here long, when Mr. Broughton called.
I hoped to find him altered like myself; but, alas! his time is not yet come.
As to M. Turner, he gave her up; "but for you, M. Bray," said he,
"I hope you are still in your senses, and not run mad after a faith which
must be felt." He went on contradicting and blaspheming. I thought it my
duty to withstand him, and to confess my want of faith. "God help you,
poor man," he replied: "if I could think you have not faith, I am
sure {t would drive me to despair." I put all my hopes of ever attaining
it, or eternal salvation, upon the truth of this assertion, "I have not
now the faith of the Gospel."
As soon as he left us, Mr. Bray read me many comfortable scriptures,
which greatly strengthened my desire; so that I was persuaded I should not leave
his house, before I believed with my heart unto righteousness.
Frl., May 12th. I waked in the same blessed temper, hungry and
thirsty. after God. I began Isaiah, and seemed to see that to me were the promises
made, and would be fulfilled, for that Christ loved me. I found myself more
desirous, more assured I should believe. This day (and indeed my whole time)
I spent in discoursing on faith, either with those that had it, or those that
sought it; in reading the Scripture, and in prayer.
I was much moved at the sight of Mr. Ainsworth, a man of great
learning, above seventy, who, like old Simeon, was waiting to see the Lord's
salvation, that he might depart in peace. His tears, and vehemence, and childlike
simplicity, showed him upon the entrance of the kingdom of heaven. In the afternoon
I read Isaiah with Mr. Edmunds: saw him full of promises, and that they belonged
to me. In the midst of our reading, Miss Claggetts came, and asked that they
might hear us. We were all much encouraged to pursue the glorious prize held
out to us by the evangelical Prophet.
When the company was gone, I joined with Mr. Bray in prayer and
the Scripture, and was so greatly affected, that I almost thought Christ was
coming that moment. I concluded the night with private vehement prayer.
Sat., May 13th. I waked without Christ; yet still desirous of
finding him. Soon after W. Delamotte came, and read me the 68th Psalm, strangely
full of comfortable promises. Toward noon I was enabled to pray with desire
and hope, and to lay claim to the promises in general.
The afternoon I spent with my friends, in mutual exhortation to
wait patiently for the Lord in prayer and reading. At night my brother came,
exceeding heavy. I forced him (as he had often forced me) to sing an hymn to
Christ, and almost thought He would come while we were singing: assured He would
come quickly. At night I received much light and comfort from the Scriptures.
Sun., May 14th. The beginning Of the day I was very heavy, weary,
and unable to pray; but the desire soon returned, and I found much comfort both
in prayer and in the word, my eyes being opened more and more to discern and
lay hold on the promises. I longed to find Christ, that I might show him to
all mankind; that I might praise, that I might love him.
Several persons called to-day, and were convinced of unbelief.
Some of them afterwards went to Mr. Broughton, and were soon made as easy as
Satan and their own hearts could wish.
Mon., May 15th. I finished Halyburton's Life with Miss Claggetts,
&c. I found comfort in the 102d Psalm.
Tues., May 16th. I waked weary, faint, and heartless. My brother
Hall coming to see me, I urged him to examine himself, whether he was in the
faith. Two questions decided the matter: "Are you sure that is light?"
"Yes." "Are you as sure of the things unseen; of Christ being
in you of a truth?" "Yes; infinitely surer." In the afternoon
I seemed deeply sensible of my misery, in being without Christ.
Wed., May 17th. I experienced the power of Christ rescuing me
in temptation. To-day I first saw Luther on the Galatians, which Mr. Holland
had accidentally lit upon. We began, and found him nobly full of faith. My friend,
in hearing him, was so affected, as to breathe out sighs and groans unutterable.
I marvelled that we were so soon and so entirely removed from him that called
us into the grace of Christ, unto another Gospel. Who would believe our Church
had been founded on this important article of justification by faith alone?
I am astonished I should ever think this a new doctrine; especially while our
Articles and Homilies stand unrepealed, and the key of knowledge is not yet
taken away.
From this time I endeavoured to ground as many of our friends
as came in this fundamental truth, salvation by faith alone, not an idle, dead
faith, but a faith which works by love, and is necessarily productive of all
good works and all holiness.
I spent some hours this evening in private with Martin Luther,
who was greatly blessed to me, especially his conclusion of the 2d chapter.
I laboured, waited, and prayed to feel "who loved me, and gave himself
for the." When nature, near exhausted, forced me to bed, I opened the book
upon, "For he will finish the work, and cut it short in righteousness,
because a short work will the Lord make upon earth." After this comfortable
assurance that He would come, and would not tarry, I slept in peace.
Thur., May 18th. In the approach of a temptation, I looked up
to Christ, and confessed my helplessness. The temptation was immediately beat
down, and continually kept off by a power not my own. About midnight I was waked
by the return of my pleurisy. I felt great pain and straitness at my heart;
but found immediate relief by bleeding. I had some discourse with Mr. Bray;
thought myself willing to die the next moment, if I might but believe this;
but was sure I could not die, till I did believe. I earnestly desired it.
Fri., May 19th. At five this morning the pain and difficulty in
breathing returned. The Surgeon was sent for; but I fell asleep before he could
bleed me a second time. I was easier all day, after taking Dr. Cockburn's medicines.
I had not much desire. I received the sacrament; but not Christ. At seven Mrs.
Turner came, and told me, I should not rise from that bed till I believed. I
believed her saying, and asked, "Has God then bestowed faith upon you?"
"Yes, he has." "Why, have you peace with God?" "Yes,
perfect peace." "And do you love Christ above all things?" "I
do, above all things incomparably." "Then you are willing to die?"
"I am; and would be glad to die this moment; for I know all my sins are
blotted out; the handwriting that was against me is taken out of the way, and
nailed to his cross. He has saved me by his death; he has washed me with his
blood; he has hid me in his wounds. I have peace in Him, and rejoice with joy
unspeakable, and full of glory."
Her answers were so full to these and the most searching questions
I could ask, that I had no doubt of her having received the atonement; and waited
for it myself with a more assured hope. Feeling an anticipation of joy upon
her account, and thanking Christ as I could, I looked for him all night with
prayers and sighs and unceasing desires.
Sat., May 20th. I waked much disappointed, and continued all day
in great dejection, which the sacrament did not in the least abate. Nevertheless
God would not suffer me to doubt the truth of his promises. Mr. Bray, too, seemed
troubled at my not yet believing, and complained of his uneasiness and want
of patience. "But so it is with me," says he: when my faith begins
to fail, God gives me some sign to support it." He then opened a Testament,
and read the first words that presented, Matt. ix. 1: "And he entered into
a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city. And, behold, they brought
to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus, seeing their faith,
said unto the sick of the palsy, Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven
thee. And, behold, certain of the scribes and Pharisees said within themselves,
This man blasphemeth. And Jesus, knowing their thoughts, said, Wherefore think
ye evil in your hearts ~ For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven
thee, or to say, Arise and walk ~ But that ye may know that the Son of man hath
power on earth to forgive sins, {then saith he to the sick of the palsy,) Arise,
take up thy bed, and go unto thine own house. And he arose, and departed to
his house. And when the multitude saw it, they marvelled, and glorified God,
which had given such power unto man."
It was a long while before he could read this through, for tears
of joy: and I saw herein, and firmly believed, that his faith would be available
for the healing of me. THE DAY OF PENTECOST.
Sun., May 21st, 1738. I waked in hope and expectation of His coming.
At nine my brother and some friends came, and sang an hymn to the Holy Ghost.
My comfort and hope were hereby increased. In about half-an-hour they went:
I betook myself to prayer; the substance as follows :--
"Oh Jesus, thou hast said, 'I will come unto you ; 'thou
hast said, ' I will send the Comforter unto you ; thou hast said, 'My Father
and I will come unto you, and make our abode with you.' Thou art God who canst
not lie; I wholly rely upon thy most true promise: accomplish it in thy time
and manner." Having said this, I was composing myself to sleep, in quietness
and peace, when I heard one come in Mrs. Musgrave, I thought, by the voice)
and say, "In the name of Jesus of Nazareth, arise, and believe, and thou
shalt he healed of all thy infirmities." I wondered how it should enter
into her head to speak in that manner. The words struck me to the heart. I sighed,
and said within myself, "0 that Christ would but speak thus to me from
Christ of my recovery, soul and body. She returned home repeating with all joy
and triumph, "I believe, I believe:" yet her heart failed her, and
she durst not say the words to me that night.
On Sunday morning she took Mr. Bray aside, burst into tears, and
informed him of the matter; objecting she was a poor weak sinful creature, and
should she go to a Minister? She could not do it; nor rest till she did. He
asked whether she had ever found herself so before. "No, never." "Why,
then," said he, "go. Remember Jonah. You declare promises, not threatenings.
Go in the name of the Lord. Fear not your own weakness. Speak you the words:
Christ will do the work. Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hath he ordained
strength."
They prayed together, and she then went up, but durst not come
in till she had prayed again by herself. About six minutes after she had left
him, he found and felt, while she was speaking the words, that Christ was with
us. I never heard words uttered with like solemnity. The sound of her voice
was entirely changed into that of Mrs. Musgrave. (If I can be sure of anything
sensible.) I rose and looked into the Scripture. The words that first presented
were, "And now, Lord, what is my hope? truly my hope is even in thee."
I then cast down my eye, and met, "He hath put a new song in my mouth,
even a thanksgiving unto our God. Many shall see it, and fear, and shall put
their trust in the Lord." Afterwards I opened upon Isaiah xl. 1: "Comfort
ye, comfort ye, my people, saith your God: speak ye comfortably to Jerusalem,
and cry unto her, that her warfare is accomplished, that her iniquity is pardoned;
for she hath received of the Lord's hand double for all her sin."
I now found myself at peace with God, and rejoiced in hope of
loving Christ. My temper for the rest of the day was, mistrust of my own great,
but before unknown, weakness. I saw that by faith I stood; by the continual
support of faith, which kept me from falling, though of myself I am ever sinking
into sin. I went to bed still sensible of my own weakness, (I humbly hope to
be more and more so,) yet confident of Christ's protection.
Mon., May 22d. Under his protection I waked next morning, and
rejoiced in reading the 107th Psalm, so nobly describing what God had done for
my soul. I fell asleep again, and waked out of a dream that I was fighting with
two devils; had one under my feet; the other faced me some time, but faded,
and sunk, and vanished away, upon my telling him I belonged to Christ.
To-day I saw him chiefly as my King, and found him in his power:
but saw little of the love of Christ crucified, or of my sins past: though more,
I humbly hope, of my own weakness and his strength. I had many evil thoughts
darted into my mind, but I rejected them immediately yet not I). At noon I rose,
continually fainting, nevertheless upheld. I was greatly strengthened by Isaiah
xliii., which God directed me to. "But now thus saith the Lord that created
thee, 0 Jacob, and he that formed thee, 0 Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed
thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through
the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow
thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither
shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of
Israel, thy Saviour."
My brother coming, we joined in intercession for him. In the midst
of prayer, I almost believed the Holy Ghost was coming upon him. In the evening
we sang and prayed again. I found myself very weak in body, but thought I ought
to pray for my friends, being the only Priest among them. I kneeled down, and
was immediately strengthened, both mind and body. The enemy did not lose such
an opportunity of tempting me to pride: but, God be praised, my strength did
I ascribe unto Him. I was often since assisted to pray readily and earnestly,
without a form.
Not unto me, O Lord, not unto me, but to thy name be the glory!
An old friend called to see me, under great apprehensions that
I was running mad. His fears were not a little increased by my telling him the
prayer of faith had healed me when sick at Oxford. "He looked to see the
rays of light about my head," he said, and more to that purpose. I begged
him, for his own sake, not to pass sentence till he had his full evidence concerning
me. This he could not promise, but faintly prayed me to flee from London, and,
in despair of me, took his leave.
It was morning before I could get to sleep. Many motions of pride
arose, and were continually beaten down by Christ my King. The devil also tempted
me to impatience through pain; but God turned it into an occasion of resignation.
Tues., May 23rd(1. I waked under the protection of Christ, and gave
myself up, soul and body, to him. At nine I began an hymn upon my conversion,
but was persuaded to break oil, for fear of pride. Mr. Bray coming, encouraged
me to proceed in spite of Satan. I prayed Christ to stand by me, and finished
the hymn. Upon my afterwards showing it to Mr. Bray, the devil threw in a fiery
dart, suggesting, that it was wrong, and I had displeased God. My heart sunk
within me; when, casting my eye upon a Prayer-book, I met with an answer for
him. "Why boastest thou thyself, thou tyrant, that thou canst do mischief"
Upon this, I clearly discerned it was a device of the enemy to keep back glory
from God. And it is most usual with him to preach humility, when speaking will
endanger his kingdom, or do honour to Christ. Least of all would he have us
tell what things God has done for our souls, so tenderly does he guard us from
pride. But God has showed me, he can defend me from it, while speaking for him.
In his name therefore, and through his strength, I will perform my vows unto
the Lord, of not hiding his righteousness within my heart, if it should ever
please him to plant it there.
Throughout this day he has kept up in me a constant sense of my
own weakness. At night I was tempted to think the reason of my believing before
others was, my sincerity. I rejected the thought with horror, and remained more
than conqueror, through Him that loved me.
Wed., May 24th. Being to receive the sacrament to-day, I was assaulted
by the fear of my old accustomed deadness; but soon recovered my confidence
in Christ, that he would give me so much sense of his love now, as he saw good
for me. I received without any sensible devotion, much as I used to be, only
that I was afterwards perfectly calm and satisfied, Without doubt, fear, or
scruple. Among our communicants was Mrs. Pratt, who had been with me the night
before, and related her receiving Christ in a dream, when under great trouble.
His words to her were, "Be of good cheer, thy prayer is heard." From
that time to this, being six years, she has enjoyed perfect peace. Most of Saturday
night she had spent in intercession for me; as on Sunday morning I experienced.
I was much pleased to-day at the sight of Mr. Ainsworth, a little
child, full of grief, and fears, and love. At our repeating the line of the
hymn, "Now descend, and shake the earth," he fell down as in an agony.
I found s general delight in their singing, but little attention: yet was not
disquieted.
We passed the afternoon in prayer, singing, and conference. For
one half hour I was with Miss Delamotte; now unconvinced, and full of dispute.
I bore my testimony with plainness and confidence, declaring what God had done
for my soul. Not hurt, but strengthened hereby.
From her I went to Miss Claggetts; young women of a better and
more childlike spirit, who calmly and confidently looked for the promises. I
was farther comforted by an excellent letter from my namesake in Georgia, persecuted
for Christ's sake; on the highest step, I trust, of the legal state.
At eight I prayed by myself for love; with some feeling, and assurance
of feeling more. Towards ten, my brother was brought in triumph by a troop of
our friends, and declared, "I believe." We sang the hymn with great
joy, and parted with prayer. At midnight I gave myself up to Christ; assured
I was safe, sleeping or waking. Had continual experience of his power to overrule
all temptation; and confessed, with joy and surprise, that he was able to do
exceeding abundantly for me, above what I can ask or think.
Thur., May 25th. I commended myself to Christ, my Prophet, Priest,
and King. Miss D. came in a better mind. Before communicating, I left it to
Christ, whether, or in what measure, he would please to manifest himself to
me, in this breaking of bread. I had no particular attention to the prayers:
but in the prayer of consecration I saw, by the eye of faith, or rather, had
a glimpse of, Christ's broken, mangled body, as taking down from the cross.
Still I could not observe the prayer, but only repeat with tears, "0 love,
love!" At the same time, I felt great peace and joy; and assurance of feeling
more, when it is best.
Soon after I was a little cast down, by feeling some temptation,
and foreseeing more; but God lifted me up by his word. "Fear not: for I
have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou
passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they
shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not
be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee." (Isai. xliii.) This
promise was fulfilled in me when under frequent motions of sin: I looked up
to Christ, and found them beaten down continually.
Fri., May 26th. We joined this morning in supplication for the
poor malefactors, while passing to execution; and in the sacrament commended
their souls to Christ. The great comfort we found therein made us confidently
hope some of them were received as the penitent thief at the last hour. I was
much refreshed soon after by Miss Delamotte, who, by the mercy of Christ, is
brought back again, and more athirst after him than ever. I dined with great
liberty of spirit, being amazed to find my old enemy, intemperance, so suddenly
subdued, that I have almost forgot I was ever in bondage to him. In the evening
I broke through my own great unwillingness, and at last preached faith in Christ
to an accidental visitant.
Sat., May 27th. I felt a motion of anger, from a trifling disappointment;
but it was no sooner felt than couquered. I received the sacrament: still no
sensible love; but comfort. A gentlewoman, who has been long under the law,
calling to see me, I thought, as she lived in the midst of opposers, no good
could be done by speaking. Yet was I overruled to preach the Gospel. She seemed
convinced and comforted. After she was gone, I was much assisted to intercede
for her, and for poor Mr. Broughton, who continues the very life of all those
that oppose the faith. Two or three others ca11ing were reproved of sin by the
holy Spirit of God. Miss Claggetts seemed on the very border of Canaan; being
fully convinced of righteousness also, of Christ's imputed righteousness; and
looking to receive it every moment as by promise theirs.
Trinity Sunday, May 28th. I rose in great heaviness, which neither
private nor joint prayer could remove. At last I betook myself to intercession
for my relations, and was greatly helped and enlarged herein; particularly in
prayer for a most profligate sinner. I spent the morning with James Hutton,
in prayer, and singing, and rejoicing. In the afternoon my brother came, and,
after a short prayer for success upon our ministry, set out for Tiverton. I
then began writing my first sermon in the name of Christ my Prophet.
To-day Mrs. Bray related to me the manner of her receiving faith
in public prayers, and the great conflicts she has since had with the enemy.
For some days he so darkened the work of God, that though her eye of faith had
been opened to see herself encompassed wlth the blood of Christ, yet still he
suggested to her that she did not believe, because she had not the joy which
others had. She was just overpowered by his devices, when in great heaviness
she opened upon, "Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief." This stayed
her for a time: but the tempter still pursued, and in the very words he had
used to shake my brother's faith. She went to public prayer, and was fervent
throughout the whole. Toward the conclusion she saw as it were Satan under her
feet; and came home in all the triumph of faith.
After dinner Miss Claggett and other friends came. I thought some
would be now gathered into the fold, and was much assisted to pray. I rose,
and saw the younger Miss Claggett under the work of God. I asked, urged, believed
that she believed. She thought so too, but was afraid to confess it. While she
stood trembling and in tears, I consulted the oracle for her, and met with Isai.
xxx. 18: "And therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious unto
you; and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for
the Lord is a God of judgement; blessed are all they that wait for him. For
the people shall dwell in Sion at Jerusalem; thou shalt weep no more: he will
be very gracious to thee, at the voice of thy cry; when he shall hear it, he
will answer thee: She then opened the book on 2 Cot. v. 1}': "Old things
are passed away; behold, all things are become new." She read so far, and
gave me the book to read on: "And all things are of God, who hath reconciled
us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;
to wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing
their trespasses unto them; and hath committed to us the word of reconciliation.
Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us:
we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God. For he hath made him
to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of
God in him."
Mr. Holland then read, "Stand fast in the liberty where with
Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage."
She now openly professed her faith, and increased in confidence every moment.
We joined in hearty thanks to God for his unspeakable gift.
Just before parting, she opened the book upon Luke viii. 39: "Return
to thine own house, and show how great things God hath done unto thee."
This success was followed with inward trials; but at the same time I experienced
the superior power of Christ.
Wed., May 31st. To-day God enabled me, in spite of the devil and
my own heart, to send Mr. Wells a plain simple account of what God hath done
for my soul.
THURSDAY, June 1st, 1738. I was troubled to-day, that I could
not pray, being utterly dead at the sacrament.
Fri., June 2d. I was still unable to pray; still dead in communicating;
full of a cowardly desire of death.
Sat., June 3d. My deadness continued, and the next day increased.
I rose exceeding heavy and averse to prayer; so that I almost resolved not to
go to church; which I had not been able to do, till within these two or three
days past. When I did go, the prayers and sacrament were exceeding grievous
to me; and I could not help asking myself, "Where is the difference between
what I am now, and what I was before believing?" I immediately answered,
"That the darkness was not like the former darkness, because I was satisfied
there was no guilt in it; because I was assured it would be dispersed; and because,
though I could not find I loved God, or feel that he loved me, yet I did and
would believe he loved me notwithstanding."
I returned home, and lay down with the same load upon me. This
Mr. Ingham's coming could not alleviate. They sung, but I had no heart to join;
much less in public prayers. In the evening Mr. Brown, Holland, and others called.
I was very averse to coming among them, but forced myself to it, and spent two
or three hours in singing, reading, and prayer. This exercise a little revived
me; and I found myself much assisted to pray.
We asked particularly, that, if it was the will of God, some one
might now receive the atonement. While I was yet speaking the words, Mr. Brown
found power to believe. He rose and told me, my prayer was heard, and answered
in him. At the same time Mr. Burton opened the Bible upon Col. i. 26: "Even
the mystery which has been hid from ages and from generations, but now is made
manifest to his saints: to whom God would make known what is the riches of the
glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of
glory."
We were all full of joy and thanksgiving. Before we parted, I
prayed with Mr. Brown, and praised God, to the great confirmation of my faith.
The weight was quite taken off. I found power to pray with great earnestness,
and rejoiced in my trials having continued so long, to show me that it is then
the best time to labour for our neighbour, when we are most cast down, and most
unable to help ourselves.
Mon., June 5th. I waked thankful, with power to pray and praise.
I had peace at the sacrament, and some attention in public prayer. In the afternoon
I met Mrs. Sims, with Mr. and Mrs. Burton, at Islington. He told me God had
given him faith, while I was praying last night; but he thought it would do
hurt to declare it then. Upon finding his heart burn within him, he desired
God would show him some token of his faith, and immediately opened on, "Let
there be light, and there was light." We rejoiced together in prayer and
singing; and left the rest of the company much stirred up to wait for the same
unspeakable gift.
Tues., June 6th. In the evening I read Luther, as usual, to a
large company of our friends. Mr. Burton was greatly affected. My inward temptations
are, in a manner, uninterrupted. I never knew the energy of sin, till now that
I experience the superior strength of Christ.
Wed., June 7th. I found myself this morning under my Father' protection;
and reading Matt. vii., "Ask, and ye shall receive," I asked some
sense of his love in the sacrament. It was there given me to believe assuredly
that God loved me, even when I could have no sense of it. Some imperfect perception
of his love I had, and was strengthened to hope against hope, after communicating.
I went to Mrs. Sims, and passed the afternoon in singing and reading
the promises. Miss Claggetts, Mr. Chapman, Verding, and others, dropped in,
as by accident. We all went to public prayers; whence we again returned, contrary
to my intention, to Mr. Sims. We joined in pleading the promises, and asking
some token for good. I rose in confidence of our prayer being heard; and at
the same time Mr. Verding declared, with great simplicity and astonishment,
that he had seen as it were a whole army rushing by him, and bearing the broken
body of Christ. He found himself quite overpowered at the sight; was all in
a cold sweat. While he spoke, my heart bore witness to the work of God in his;
and I felt myself affected as on Whitsunday; was assured it was Christ; said
the written word would bear witness with the personal, and opened it for a sign
upon Isal. xlv. 24, 25: "Surely shall one say, In the Lord have I righteousness
and strength: even to him shall men come, and all that are incensed against
him shall be ashamed. In the Lord shall all the seed of Israel be justified,
and shall glory." I then read, "Look unto me, and be ye saved, all
the ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is none else. I have sworn by
myself, the word is gone out of my mouth in righteousness, and shall not return,
that unto me every knee shall bow, every tongue shall swear." And then,
1 Peter i. 3, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
which, according to his abundant mercy, hath begotten us again unto a lively
hope, by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible,
undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept
by the power of God through faith unto salvation." After this he grew visibly
in the faith, and we rejoiced and gave God thanks for the consolation. He appeared
a very child; owned he feared nothing so much as offending his Father; was ready
to die that moment. In the beginning of prayer he could hardly persuade himself
to kneel down, not thinking he could find any benefit; so poor, so sinful a
creature, what should he pray for 2.
Returning home in triumph, I found Dr. Byrom; and, in defiance
of the tempter, simply told him the great things Jesus had done for me and many
others. This drew on a full explanation of the doctrine of faith, which he received
with wonderful readiness. Toward midnight I slept in peace.
Thur., June 8th. I had the satisfaction of hearing Mr. Sparks
confess himself convinced now, that he is under the law, not under grace. In
public prayer it pleased the Lord to melt me into humility and love.
At three I took coach for Blendon, with Mr. Bray; and had much
talk with a lady about the fall, and faith in Christ. She openly maintained
the merit of good works. I would all who oppose the righteousness of faith were
so ingenuous: then would they no longer seek it as it were by the works of the
law.
Before seven we came to Elfham. In riding thence to Blendon, I
was full of delight, and seemed in new heavens and a new earth. We prayed, and
sang, and shouted all the way. We found Miss Betsy and Hetty at home, and prayed
that this day salvation might come to this house. In the lesson were those words,
"This is the accepted time, this is the day of salvation."
Fri., June 9th. I prayed with fervour for the family. The second
lesson was blind Bartimeus. In riding to Bexley, with Mr. Piers, I spake of
my experience in simplicity and confidence and found him very ready to receive
the faith. We spent the day in the same manner, Mr. Bray relating the inward
workings of God upon his soul, and I the great things he had lately done for
me, and our friends at London. He listened eagerly to all that was said, not
making the least objection, but confessing it was what he had never experienced.
We walked, and sang, and prayed in the garden. He was greatly moved, and testifed
his full conviction, and desire of finding Christ. "But I must first,"
said he, "prepare myself by long exercise of prayer and good works."
At night we joined in prayer for Hetty. Never did I pray with
greater earnestness, expecting an immediate answer; and being much disappointed
at not finding it, I consulted the Scripture, and met with Jehu's words to his
men, "Let none escape out of your hands." Then, "I trust that
I shall come shortly." Still I was in great heaviness for her, and could
not sleep till morning. Waking full of desire for her conversion, those words
were brought to my remembrance, "The Spirit and the bride say, Come; and
let him that heareth say, Come; and let him that is athirst come: and whosoever
will, let him take of the water of life freely. At this instant came a flash
of lightning, then thunder, then violent rain. I accepted it as a sign that
the skies would soon pour down righteousness.
Yesterday (the devil of secrecy being expelled) Miss Betsy plainly
informed me, that, after her last receiving the sacrament, she heart a voice,
"Go thy way, thy sins are forgiven thee," and she was filled thereby
with joy unspeakable. She said within herself, "Now I do indeed feed upon
Christ in my heart by faith," and continued all day in the spirit of triumph
and exultation. All her life, she thought, would be too little to thank God
for that day. Yet even after this it was, that the enemy got so great advantage
over her, in making her oppose the truth with such fierceness. For many days
she did not know that she had in herself demonstration of that she denied. But
after we had prayed that God would clear up his own work, the darkness of faith
dispersed, and those fears that her conversion was not real, by little and little,
were all done away.
Sat., June 10th. In the morning lesson was that glorious description
of the power of faith: "Jesus answering said unto them, Have faith in God.
For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou
removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but
shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall
have whatsoever he saith. Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire,
when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them." We
pleaded this promise in behalf of our seeking friends, particularly Hetty aud
Mr. Piers. He came with his wife. The day before our coming he had been led
to read the Homily on Justification, which convinced him that in him dwelt no
good thing. Now he likewise saw, that the thoughts of his heart were only evil
continually, forasmuch as whatsoever is not of faith is sin.
He asked God to give him some comfort, and found it in Luke v.
23, &c.: "Whether is it easier to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee, or
to say, Rise up and walk ~ But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power
upon earth to forgive sins, (he saith unto the sick of the palsy,) I say unto
thee, Arise, and take up thy bed, and go unto thine own house. And immediately
he rose up before them, and took up that whereon he lay, and departed to his
own house, glorifying God. And they were all amazed, and they glorified God,
and were filled with fear, saying, We have seen strange things to-day."
This was the very miracle, I told him, from which God had shown
his intention to heal me; and it was a sign of the like to be done by him. Mr.
Bray moved for retiring to prayer. We prayed after God, again and again, and
asked him, whether he believed Christ could just now manifest himself to his
soul. He answered, "Yes." We read him the promise made to the prayer
of faith. Mr. Bray bade me speak some promise to him authoritatively, and he
should find Christ make it good. I had not faith to do it. He made me pray again,
and then read Psalm lxv. I felt every word of it for my friend, particularly,
"Thou that hearest the prayer, unto thee shall all flesh come. Blessed
is the man whom thou choosest and receivest unto thee: he shall dwell in thy
court, and shall be satisfied with the plenteousness of thy house, even of thy
holy temple. Thou shalt show us wonderful things in thy righteousness, 0 God
of our salvation, thou that art the hope of all the ends of the earth,"
&c.
Seeing the great confidence of Mr. Bray, and the deep humility
of Mr. Piers, I began to think the promise would be fulfilled before we left
the room. My fellow-worker with God seemed full of faith and the Holy Ghost,
and told him, "If you can but touch tile hem of his garment, you shall
be made whole." We prayed for him a third time, the Spirit greatly helping
our infirmities, and then asked if he believed. He answered," Yes:"
the Spirit witnessing with our spirits, that his heart was as our heart. Bray
said, "I now know of a truth that Christ is in you." We were all filled
with joy; returned thanks, and prayed for a blessing on his ministry; and then
brought him down in triumph. Miss Betsy was greatly strengthened hereby, and
bold to confess "she believed." All her speech now was, "I only
hope that I stroll never lose this comfort."
The day was spent in prayer and conference. Mrs. Piers was, with
all ease, convinced of unbelief. After supper I discoursed on faith from the
lesson. The poor servants received the word gladly.
Sun., June 11th. While Mr. Piers was preaching upon death, I found
great joy in feeling myself willing, or rather desirous, to die. After prayers
we joined in intercession for Mr. and Mrs. Delamotte; then for poor Hetty: I
received much comfort in reading Luther.
We took coach for church. In si1nging I observed Hetty join with
a mixture of fear and joy. I earnestly prayed, and expected she should meet
with something to confirm her in the service. Both the Psalms and lessons were
full of consolation.
We adjourned to Mr. Piers, and joined in prayer for a poor woman
in despair, one Mrs. Searl, whom Satan had bound these many years. I saw her
pass by in the morning, and was touched with a sense of her misery. After pleading
his promise of being with us to the end of the world, we went down to her in
the name of Jesus. I asked her, whether she thought God was love; and not anger,
as Satan would persuade her. Then I preached the Gospel, which she received
with all imaginable eagerness. When we had for some time continued together
in prayer, she rose up another creature, strongly and explicitly [declaring]
her faith in the blood of Christ, and full persuasion that she was accepted
in the Beloved. Hetty then declared, that she could not but believe Christ died
for her, even for her. We gave thanks for both, with much exultation and triumph.
After family prayer I expounded the lesson, and, going up to my
chamber, asked the maid (Mary) how she found herself. She answered, "O,
Sir, what you said was very comfortable, how that Christ was made sin for me,
that I might be made the righteousness of God in him; that is, he was put in
my place, and I in his." "Do you then believe this, that Christ died
for you?" "Yes, I do believe it; and I found myself so as I never
did before, when you spoke the word." "But do you find within yourself,
that your sins are forgiven?" "Yes, I do." These and the like
answers, which she made with great simplicity, convinced me, that faith had
come to her by hearing. We joined in giving glory to God; for we perceived and
confessed it was his doing. It pleased him likewise to bless me with a deep
and hitherto unknown dread of ascribing anything to myself.
Mon., June 12th. This morning Mrs. Piers told me, she had always
doubted her having true faith; but now declared with tears, she was convinced
her sins were forgiven, and she did believe indeed. We all went to Mrs. Searl,
in strong temptation, nothing doubting but we should see the power of Christ
triumphing over that of Satan. The enemy had got no advantage over her, though
he had laboured all night to trouble and confound her. As often as she named
the name of Jesus, he was repelled, and her soul at peace. We were much edified
by her deep humility, and preached the Gospel to her and her husband, who received
it readily. After prayer she rose with, "How shall I be thankful enough
to my Saviour". We parted in a triumphant hymn.
Tues., June 13th. Mr. Piers was sent for to a dying woman. She
was in despair, "having done so much evil, and so little good." He
declared to her the glad tidings of salvation, that as all her good, were it
ten thousand times more, could never save her, so all her evil could never hurt
her,--if she could repent and believe; if she could lay hold on Christ by a
living faith, and look for salvation by grace only. This was comfort indeed.
She gladly quitted her own merits for Christ's; the Holy Ghost wrought faith
in her heart, which she expressed in a calm, cheerful, triumphant expectation
of death. Her fears and agonies were at an end. Being justified by faith, she
had peace with God; and only entered farther into her rest, by dying a few hours
after. The spectators were melted into tears. She calmly passed into the heavenly
Canaan, and has there brought up a good report of her faithful Pastor, who,
under Christ, hath saved her soul from death.
These were the first-fruits of his ministry; and I find him strengthened
hereby, and more assured that the Gospel is the power of God unto salvation,
to every one that believes. In the evening Mr. Delamotte returned.
Wed., June 14th. After morning prayer in the little chapel, I
kept Hannah from going, that we might first pray for her: but we quickly found
there was greater cause of thanksgiving. She told me she was reading a collect
last night, which gave her vast pleasure: "Almighty God, whom truly to
know is eternal life, grant us perfectly to know thy Son Jesus Christ, to be
the way, the truth, and the life." "To be sure, Sir," said she,
"I found myself so easy immediately, that I cannot tell you." A few
questions fully satisfied us, that she was a true believer.
Poor Hetty was tempted to imagine she did not believe, because
she had not been affected exactly in the same manner with others. We used a
prayer for her, and parted.
On the road I overtook Frank, and asked what he thought of these
things. He answered, "I was greatly delighted with one thing you said,
how that Christ was made sin for us, that we might be made the righteousness
of God in him." Upon farther examination I found him manifestly in the
faith. We talked and rejoiced together, till we came to Eltham. He there left
me, resolved to publish everywhere what things Jesus had done for him.
The coach was filled with young ladies. I was forced to leave
off reading, that I might interrupt their scandal. At London I was informed
that my brother was gone with Mr. Ingham and Tilchig, to Hernhuth. The news
surprised, but did not disquiet, me.
Thur., June 15th. I was sent for to baptize a child. It gave me
occasion to speak upon faith. One of the company was full of self-righteousness.
The rest were more patient of the truth, being only gross sinners.
Fri., June 16th. After dinner Jack Delamotte came for me. We took
coach; and by the way he told me, that when we were last together at Blendon,
in singing, "Who for me, for me hast died,"
he found the words sink into his soul; could have sung for ever,
being full of delight and joy: since then has thought himself led as it were
in everything; feared nothing so much as offending God; could pray with life;
and, in a word, found that he did indeed believe in the Lord Jesus.
I was in the coach with Miss Delamotte. While it stopped I got
out to reprove a man for swearing. He thanked me most heartily. We took up Hetty
at Blendon, and went on to Bexley.
The next day (Sat., June 17th) we saw, and prayed with, Mrs. Searl,
to our mutual encouragement. Mr. Searl heard us gladly. The afternoon we passed
with our friends at Blendon. Here I was stopped by the return of my pain, and
forced to bed. Desires of death continually rose in me, which I laboured to
check, not daring to form any wish concerning it.
Sun., June 18th. The pain abated; and the next day left me.
Wed., June 21st. I was concerned at having been here several days,
and done nothing. I preached forgiveness to Mr. Piers's man, who seemed well
disposed for receiving it, by a true simplicity. We prayed together, and went
to public prayers. In the second lesson was the paralytic healed. I came home
with the Miss Delamottes, Mrs. Searl, and the man, who declared before us all,
that God had given him faith by hearing the sick of the palsy healed. We returned
hearty thanks.
The Lord gave us more matter for thanksgiving at Blendon, where
I read my brother's sermon on faith. When it was over, the gardener declared,
faith had come to him by hearing it, and he had no doubt of his sins being forgiven.
"Nay, was I to die just now," he added, "I know I should be accepted
through Christ Jesus."
Thur., June 22d. I comforted Hetty, under a strong temptation,
because she was not in all points affected like other believers, especially
the poor; who have generally a much larger degree of confidence than the rich
and learned. I had a proof of this to-day at Mr. Searl's, where, meeting a poor
woman, and convincing her of unbelief, I used a prayer for her, that God who
hath chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith, would now impart to
her his unspeakable gift. In the midst of the prayer she received it; avowed
it openly, and increased visibly therein.
In the evening we had a meeting at Mr. Piers's, and read my brother's
sermon. God set his seal to the truth of it, by sending his Spirit upon Mr.
Searl, and a maid-servant, purifying their hearts by faith. This occasioned
our triumphing in the name of Jesus our God.
Fri., June 23d. I attended Mr. Piers to a poor old woman, whom
he could never prevail upon to go to church. I expected we should be called
to preach the law; but found her ready for the Gospel, and glad to exchange
her merits for Christ's. The evening we passed among our little flock, and parted
full of comfort, and peace, and joy.
Sat., June 24th. Riding to Blendon in the morning, I met William
Delamotte, just come from Cambridge. He had left town well-disposed to the obedience
of faith; but now I observed his countenance altered. He had been strongly prejudiced
by the good folk at London. At Blendon I found Mr. Delamotte, not over-cordial,
yet civil: met letters from my mother, heavily complaining of my brother's forsaking
her, and requiring me to accept of the first preferment that offered, on pain
of disobedience. This a little disquieted me. I was not much comforted by William
Delamotte; but extremely moved for him, and could not refrain from tears. His
sisters joined us. I began preaching faith, and free grace. His objection was,
that it was unjust in God to make sinners equal with us, who had laboured perhaps
many years. We proposed singing an hymn. He saw the title, "Faith in Christ,"
and owned he could not bear it.
In our way to church, I again proclaimed to him the, glad tidings
of salvation. He was exceeding heavy, and, by his own confession, miserable;
yet could he not receive this saying, "We are justified freely by faith
alone." The lesson comforted me concerning him. "Behold, I will send
my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom ye
seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant,
whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith the Lord." To all such
as think it hard to lose the merit of their good works, the Scripture spake
as follows: "Your words have been stout against me, saith the Lord: yet
ye say, What have we spoken so much against thee?. Ye have said, It is vain
to serve God: and what profit is it that we have kept his ordinances, and that
we have walked mournfully before the Lord of hosts."
Sun., June 25th. I stayed to preach faith to Mrs. Delamotte, whom
Providence brought home yesterday, I trust, for that very purpose. I was so
faint and full of pain, that I had not power to speak: but I had no sooner begun
my sermon than all my weakness vanished. God gave me strength and boldness:
and after an hour's speaking, I found myself perfectly well. I went and accosted
Mrs, Delamotte in her pew: just as shy as I expected. Let it work: God look
to the event!
After evening prayer, she just spake to me: Betsy wondered she
could bring herself to it. My sermon (I heard) occasioned much disturbance to
more than her. M. Sear at night was full of triumph.
Men., June 26th. I waited upon Mrs. Delamotte, expecting what
happened. She fell abruptly upon my sermon, for the false doctrine therein.
I answered, "I staked my all upon the truth of it." She went on, "It
is hard people must have their children seduced in their absence, If every one
must have your faith, what will become of all the world?. Have you this assurance,
Mr. Piers?" "Yes, Madam, in some degree: I thank God for it."
"I am sorry to hear it." One of the company cried, "I am glad
to hear it, and bless God for him, and wish all mankind had it too."
She moved for reading a sermon of Archbishop Sharp's, Piers read.
We excepted continually to his unscriptural doctrine. Much dispute ensued. She
accused my brother with preaching an instantaneous faith. "As to that,"
I replied, "we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard.
I received it in that manner; as have above thirty others in my presence."
She started up, said she could not bear it, and ran out of the house. William
protested against her behaviour. In the beginning, I had found the old man rise;
but I grew calmer and calmer, he longer we talked. Glory be to God through Christ!
I offered to go, but they would not let me. Betsy went and at last prevailed
upon her to come in. Nothing more was said, At six I took my leave. Poor Hannah
and Mary came to the door, and caught hold of my hand. Hannah cried, "Don't
be discouraged, Sir: I hope we shall all continue steadfast." I could not
refrain from tears. Hetty came in: I exhorted her to persevere. I took horse.
William seemed much better disposed than his mother; promised to come and see
me the next day. I joined with Mr. Piers in singing, "Shall I, for fear
of feeble man, Thy Spirit's course in me restrain?"
and in hearty prayer for Mrs. Delamotte.
Tues., June 27th. Calling upon poor Goody Dickenson, I asked,
if she had now forgiveness. "Yes," said she, "I received it in
the midst of your sermon." "Do you then believe Christ died for you
in particulars" "Yes, to be sure: I must believe it, if I would not
deny the Scripture."
She expressed strong confidence in God; appeared full of love
to two beggars that called; believed she should be saved, if she died just now;
would come to church, if all in rags. In short, she left me no reason to doubt,
but that she was taken in at the eleventh hour, being now near fourscore.
Coming back to Mr. Pier's, I found W. Delamotte. I was full of
hope for him. he todl me he had wrote two sheets against the truth; but in seeking
after more texts, had met one that quite spoiled it all. "Not but works
of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us."
This convinced him; and immediately he burnt all he had wrote. I asked what
it was he still stuck at. "Nothing" said he, "but God's giving
faith instantaneously." I replied, that alone hindered his receiving it
just now; no more preparation being absolutely necessary thereto, than what
God is pleased to give.
We were directed to many apposite scriptures, particularly Luke
vii. 47: "Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven."
John xx. 27, 28: "Then said he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and
behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and
be not faithless, but believing. And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord
and my God."
We went to prayers, pleaded the promises for him with great earnestness
and tears: then read 2 These. i. 11, 12: "Wherefore also we pray always
for you, that our God would count you worthy of this calling, and fulfil all
the good pleasure of his goodness, and the work of faith with power: that the
name of our Lord Jesus Christ may be glorified in you, and ye in him, according
to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ." I observed the workings
of God strong upon him, and prayed again. Then read the scriptures that first
offered :--Titus iii. 5: "Not by works of righteousness which we have done,"
&c. (The very text that stopped him in the morning.) Amos iv. 12: "Because
I will do this to thee, prepare to meet thy God." Psalm lxviii. 6: "God
setteth the solitary in families, he bringeth out those which are bound with
chains:" and lastly, Psalm lxvi. 20: "Blessed be God, which hath not
turned away my prayer, nor hls mercy from me."
While we were praying, and singing, and reading, alternately,
a poor man, one Mr. Heather, came to talk with me. He had heard and liked the
sermon upon faith. I asked him whether he had faith. "No." Whether
forgiveness of sins. "No." Whether there was or could be any good
in him till he believed. "No." "But do you think Christ cannot
give you faith and forgiveness in this hour?" "Yes, to be sure he
can." "And do you believe his promise, that when two of his disciples
shall agree upon earth, as touching anything they shall ask of him, he will
give it them?" "I do." "Why, then, here is our Minister,
and I agree to ask faith for you." "Then I believe I shall receive
it before I go out of the room."
We went to prayer directly; pleaded the promise; and rising, asked
him whether he believed. His answer was, "Yes, I do believe with all my
heart. I believe Christ died for my sins. I know they are all forgiven. I desire
only to love him. I would suffer anything for him: could lay down my life for
him this moment." I turned to my scholar, and said, "Do you now believe
that God can give faith instantaneously?" He was too full to speak; but
told me afterwards, he envied the unopposing ignorance and simplicity of the
poor, and wished himself that illiterate carpenter.
Next day I returned to town, rejoicing that God had added to his
living church seven more souls through my ministry. "Not unto me, 0 Lord,
not unto me, but to thy name be the praise, for thy loving-mercy, and for thy
truth's sake." I had hopes of seeing greater things than these, from a
scripture He this day directed me to: Luke v. 9: "For he was astonished,
and all that were with him, at the draught of fishes which they had taken."
I went to Mr. Sims's, in expectation of Christ. Several of our
friends were providentially brought thither. We joined in singing and prayer.
The last time we prayed, I could not leave off, but was still forced to go on.
I rose at last, and saw Mr. Chapman still kneeling. I opened the book, and read
aloud, "And, behold, a woman, which was diseased with an issue of blood
twelve years, came behind him, and touched the hem of his garment: for she said
within herself, If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole. And Jesus
turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort;
thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour."
My heart burned within me, while I was reading: at the same time I heard him
cry out, with great struggling, "I do believe." We lifted him up;
for he had not power to rise of himself, being quite helpless, exhausted, and
in a profuse sweat. An old believer among us owned himself affected with a wonderful
sympathy. We had the satisfaction of seeing Mr. Chapman increase in faith; and
returned most hearty thanks to the God of his and our salvation.
Thur., June 29th. Miss Suky Claggett called, and to my no small
comfort informed me of her sister's lately receiving faith. She likewise brought
me an invitation from her mother. Mrs. Turner would have sent for her, (Miss
B. Claggett,) but I would not suffer it; that I might have no hand at all in
the matter. I sat down to write; when Miss Betsy came for me. We joined in thanksgiving
for her, and intercession for her mother; and then took coach. Mrs. Turner made
the fourth.
I sought to the oracle for direction, and was much strengthened
by the answer, from Acts x. 29: "Therefore came I unto you without gainsaying,
as soon as I was sent for: I ask therefore for what intent ye have sent for
me?" What makes it more remarkable is, that it is St. Peter's day. We all
conceived great hopes of Mrs. Claggett. I found her very courteous, well-disposed,
emptied of herself. We sang, and at her desire prayed together. She freely confessed
how greatly she had been prejudiced against the truth; but was thoroughly satisfied
by my reading the sermon. I prayed after it, without much affection; again with
more; and the third time strongly moved. I knew that she believed. I believed
for her. The Scripture gave the strongest testimony of it. At first she said,
she must not presume to say she believed; but grew more and more confirmed.
I left her, in confidence God would soon clear up his own work in her soul,
beyond all doubt or contradiction. Soon after, to keep me from being lifted
up, the messenger of Satan was suffered to buffet me.
Fri., June 30th. Thanks be to God, the first thing I felt to-day
was a fear of pride, and desire of love. Betsy Delamotte called, and gave me
the following letter :--
"Dear Sir,--God hath heard your prayers. Yesterday, about
twelve, He put his fiat to the desires of his distressed servant; and, glory
be to Him, I have enjoyed the fruits of his Holy Spirit ever since. The only
uneasiness I feel is, want of thankfulness and love for so unspeakable a gift.
But I am confident of this also, that the same gracious Hand which hath communicated,
will communicate even unto the end.
"I am your sincere friend in Christ, "W. DELEMOTTE.
"0 my friend, I am free indeed! I agonized some time betwixt
darkness and light; but God was greater than my heart, and burst the cloud,
and broke down the partition-wall, and opened to me the door of faith."
In reading this, I felt true thankfulness, and was quite melted
down with God's goodness to my friend.
I followed his guidance in the afternoon to Mr. Sims. We
spent the time as usual. Mrs. Chapman called; said she could not stay; yet stayed
prayers. I was much assisted: rose, and asked her whether she believed. "I
do not know but I do; for I never found myself so in my life; so strangely warmed!
I seem to have a fire within me. I thought, while kneeling down, 'How could
I expect to receive faith, when so many better than I were here' It then came
into my mind, that I had left my money upon the stall; but God, thought I, could
take care of it, or give me a better thing." We concluded the day with
prayer at Mr. Bray's.
Sat., July 1st. I was again at Mrs. Claggett's. The eldest daughter
and Mrs. Claggett joined us. I related the cure of the lame girl at Bath. She
rejoiced to hear a person might have faith, and have it long obscured by worldly
cares, yet not lost: said the maid's case was hers; professed her now believing,
and owned the darkness she bad long lain under', a just punishment for her not
giving God the glory. We sang, and rejoiced together, and went to the house
of God as friends. In the lesson He related his past kindness to her. "And
he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath-day. And, behold, there
was a woman Which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together,
and could in no wise lift up herself. And when Jesus saw her, he called her
to him, and said unto her, Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity. And
he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified
God." Mrs. Claggett was deeply affected; and told me afterwards, that her
not following the woman's example of glorifying God, had occasioned all the
troubles of her life: but she was now resolved, as far as in her lay, to repair
her past unfaithfulness.
At Mr. Sims's I was extremely averse to prayer; would fain have
stole away without it: but Mr. Bray stopped me, saying, my deadness could not
hinder God, and forced me to pray. I had scarce begun, when l was quite melted
down, and prayed more fervently than ever before. A poor man, who came in at
the beginning of the prayer, now confessed his faith before us all, being full
of joy and triumph. "He never found himself so before; knew his sins were
forgiven; could gladly die that moment."
Sun., July 2d. Being to preach this morning for the first time,
I received strength for the work of the ministry, in prayer and singing. The
whole service at Basingshaw was wonderfully animating, especially the Gospel
concerning the miraculous draught of fishes. I preached salvation by faith to
a deeply attentive audience: I gave the cup.
Observing a woman full of reverence, I asked her if she had forgiveness
of sins. She answered, with great sweetness and humility," Yes, I know
it now that I have forgiveness."
I preached again at London-Wall, without fear or weariness. As
I was going into the church, a woman caught hold of my hand, and blessed me
most heartily, telling me she had received forgiveness of sins while I was preaching
in the morning.
In the evening we met, a troop of us, at Mr. Slms's. There was
one Mrs. Harper there, who had this day in like manner received the Spirit,
by the hearing of faith; but feared to confess it. We sung the hymn to Christ.
At the words, "Who for me, for me hath died,"
she burst out into tears and outcrles, "I believe, I believe!"
and sunk down. She continued, and increased in the assurance of faith; full
of peace, and joy, and love.
We sang and prayed again. I observed one of the maids run out,
and, following, found her full of tears, and joy, and love. I asked what ailed
her. She answered, as soon as joy would let her, that "Christ died for
her!" She appeared quite overpowered with his love.
Mon., July 3d. I had some discourse with my friendly namesake,
Charles Rivington. I begged him to suspend his judgement, till he heard me preach.
Tues., July 4th. I received a letter from my brother at Tiverton,
full of heavy charges. At Mr. Sparks's I found Jephtha Harris. I convinced him
so far, that he owned he had been prejudiced against the truth; and had not
faith. I carried him to Mr. Bray's; prayed over him, and pleaded the promises.
All were much affected.
I corrected a sermon of Mr. Sparks's on justification. Took coach
for Bexley. In the way I was enabled to pray for my brother. I heard a good
account of Mrs. Delamotte, that she was almost beat out of her own righteousness.
Honest Frank made one of our congregation this evening, and gave
a comfortable account of the little flock at Blendon. I received a fuller from
Hetty; informing me that her mother was convinced of unbelief, and much ashamed
of her behaviour towards me.
Wed., July 5th. William Delamotte came, and rejoiced with me for
all God had done. We brought a woman home from church, and laboured hard to
convince her she deserved hell. Another confessed her having received forgiveness
of sins in sickness.
Fri., July 7th. Mrs. Delamotte followed me from church, sent for
me down, hoped she did not interrupt me. Her third sentence was, "Well,
Mr. Wesley, are you still angry with me?" "No, Madam," I answered,
"nor ever was. Before I gave myself time to consider, I was myself so violent
against the truth, that I know to make allowance for others." Here we came
to a full explanation; produced the scriptures which prove our justification
by faith only, the witness of the Spirit, &c. By these, and an excellent
sermon of Bishop Beveridge's on the subject, she seemed thoroughly convinced.
All she stuck at was, the instantaneousness of faith, or, in other words, the
possibility of any one's perceiving when the life of faith first began.
She carried me in her coach to Blendon, where the poor servants
were overjoyed to see me once more. While we were praying for her, she sent
for me up to her closet. I found her quite melted into an humble, contrite,
longing frame of spirit. She showed me several prayers attesting the true faith,
especially that of Bishop Taylor: "I know, O Blessed Jesus, that thou didst
take upon thee my nature, that thou mightest suffer for my sins; that thou didst
suffer to deliver me from thein, and from thy Father's wrath. And I was delivered
from his wrath, that I might serve thee, in holiness and righteousness all my
days. Lord, I am as sure thou didst the great work of redemption for me, and
for all mankind, as that I am alive. This is my hope, the strength of my spirit,
my joy, and my confidence. And do thou never let the spirit of unbelief enter
into me, and take me from this rock. Here I will dwell; for I have a delight
therein. Here I will live, and here I desire to die."
She asked me what she could do more, being convinced of her want
of faith, and not able to give it herself. I preached the freeness of the grace,
and betook myself to prayer for her, labouring, sighing, looking for the witness
of the Spirit, the fulness of the promises, in her behalf. I conjured her to
expect continually the accomplishment of the promise, and not think her confessed
unworthiness any bar. Next morning I returned to town.
Sun., July 9th. I preached my brother's sermon upon faith at,
and a second time in St. Sepulchre's vestry. In walking home with Mrs. Barton,
I said, "Surely there must be something which you are not willing to give
up, or God would have given you comfort before now." She answered only
by her tears. After praying for her at Mr. Bray's, I lay down; rose; stopped
her going home, and carried her with James and Mrs. Turner from the company
to pray. After prayer, in which I was much assisted, I found her under a great
concern, trembling, and cold; longing, yet dreading, to say "she believed."
We prayed again. She then said, with much struggling, "Lord, I believe;
help thou my unbelief." She repeated it several times, and gained strength
by each repetition.
Mon., July 10th. At Mr. Sparks's request, I went with him, Mr.
Bray, and Mr. Burnham, to Newgate; and preached to the ten malefactors, under
sentence of death; but with a heavy heart. My old prejudices against the possibility
of a death-bed repentance still hung upon me; and I could hardly hope there
was mercy for those whose time was so short. But in the midst of my languid
discourse, a sudden spirit of faith came upon me, and I promised them all pardon,
in the name of Jesus Christ, if they would then, as at the last hour, repent,
and believe the Gospel. Nay, I did believe they would accept of the proffered
mercy, and could not help telling them, "l had no doubt hut God would give
me every soul of them."
In going to Mr. Chapman's I met Margaret Beutiman, and bade her
follow, for we were several of us to join in prayer there. James Hutton, Mr.
Holland, Mr. and Mrs. Sims got thither soon after us. We sang, and pleaded the
promises. In the midst of prayer, Margaret received the atonement, and professed
her faith without wavering; her love to Christ, and willingness to die that
moment. We returned thanks for her, and I then offered to go. They pressed me
to stay a little longer: I did so, and heard Mrs. Storer, a Sister of Mr. Bray's,
complain of the hardness of her heart. She owned she had been under the utmost
uneasiness, since our last meeting at her brother's, unable to pray, or find
any rest to her soul. While we were singing the hymn to the Father, she did
find the rest she sighed after; was quite pierced, as she said, her heart ready
to burst, and her whole nature overpowered. We went to prayers, and then opened
the scripture, "I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that
thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them
unto babes." She then was strengthened to profess her faith, and increased
in peace and joy. As we walked, she said she could not have conceived how these
things could he; what the change was which we spoke of. Her faith was farther
confirmed by public prayer; and she continued all the evening full of comfort,
and peace that passeth all understanding.
Tues., July 11th. I preached with earnestness to the prisoners
from the second lesson. One or two of them were deeply affected. At Bray's I
found a letter from W. Delamotte, and read, with joy and thankfulness, as follows
:--
"I cannot keep pace: the mercies of God come in so abundantly
on our unworthy family, that I am not able to declare them. Yet, as they are
his blessings through your ministry, I must inform you of them, as they will
strengthen your hands, and prove helpers of your joy.
"Great, then, I believe, was the struggle between nature
and grace in the soul of my mother; but God, who knoweth the very heart and
reins, hath searched her out. Her spirit, like Naaman's flesh, is returned as
that of a little child. She is converted, and Christ hath spoken peace to her
soul. This work was begun in her the morning you left us, though she concealed
it from you.
"When she waked, the following scripture was strongly suggested
to her: 'Either what woman, having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one, doth
not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it.'
She rose immediately, took up Bishop Taylor, and opened upon a place which so
strongly asserted this living faith, that she was fully convinced. But the enemy
preached humility to her; that she could not deserve so great a gift. However,
God still pursued, and she could not long forbear communicating the emotion
of her soul to me. We prayed, read, and conversed for an hour; the Lord made
use of a mean instrument to convince her of her ignorance in the word. Throughout
that day her mind was more and more enlightened, till at length she broke out,'
Where have I been? I know nothing; I see nothing. My mind is all darkness. How
have I opposed the Scripture!' The tempter, thus enraged, excited all his powers
to persuade her she was labouring after something that was not to be attained;
but Christ suffered her not to fall. She flew to him in prayer and singing;
and though Satan damped her much, yet could he not conquer her, because that
which was conceived in her was of the Holy Ghost.
"She continued agonizing all the evening. But how can I utter
the sequel? The first object of her thoughts the next morning was Christ. She
saw him approaching; and seeing, loved, believed, adored. Her prayers drew him
still nearer; and everything she saw concurred to hasten the embrace of her
Beloved. Thus she continued in the Spirit till four; when, reading in her closet,
she received the kiss of reconciliation. Her own soul could not contain the
joys attending it. She could not forbear imparting to her friends and neighbours
that she had found the piece which she had lost. Satan in vain attempted to
shake her; for she felt in herself, Faith's assurance, hope's increase, All
the confidence of love.'"
Mr. Sparks this morning asked me whether I would preach for him
at St. Helen's. I agreed to supply Mr. Broughtoffs place, who is now at Oxford,
arming our friends against the faith. The pain in my side was very violent;
but I looked up to Christ, and owned his healing power. At the same time, that
came into my mind, "Out of weakness were made strong." No sooner did
I enter the coach than the pain left me, and I preached faith in Christ to a
vast congregation, with great boldness, adding much extempore.
After sermon, Mrs. Hind, with whom Mr. Broughton lodges, sent
for me; owned her agreement to the doctrine, and pressed me to come and talk
with Mr. Broughton, who, she could not but believe, must himself agree to it.
From her I went to Mr. Sims, and found that God had set his seal
to my ministry; Mr. Dandy and Miss Branford declaring, faith had come to them
by hearing me. We rejoiced, and gave thanks from the ground of the heart.
Wed., July 12th. I preached at Newgate to the condemned felons,
and visited one of them in his cell, sick of a fever; a poor black that had
robbed his master. I told him of one who came down from heaven to save lost
sinhers, and him in particular; described the sufferings of the Son of God,
his sorrows, agony, and death. He listened with all the signs of eager astonishment;
the tears trickled down his cheeks while he cried, "What! was it for me?
Did God suffer all this for so poor a creature as me?" I left him waiting
for the salvation of God.
In the evening Mr. Washington of Queen's came to dispute with
me. I simply testified my want of faith three months ago, and my having it now;
asked whether he could lay down his life for the truth of his being in the faith;
whether he allowed Christ to be as really present in the believing soul, as
in the third heavens; told him he was yet in his sins, and knew nothing, and
begged him to pray for direction.
Thur., July 13th. I read prayers and preached at Newgate, and
administered the sacrament to our friends, with five of the felons. I was much
affected and assisted in prayer for them; and exhorted them with great comfort
and confidence.
Fri., July 14th. I received the sacrament from the Ordinary; spake
strongly to the poor malefactors; and to the sick Negro in the condemned hole,
moved by his sorrow and earnest desire of Christ Jesus.
Sat., July 15th. I preached there again with an enlarged heart;
and rejoiced with my poor happy Black; who now believes the Son of God loved
him, and gave himself for him.
Sun. July 16th. Metcalf and Savage came: the latter received faith
on Friday night, in prayer, and is now filled with comfort, peace, and joy.
I took coach with Metcalf; preached the threefold state with boldness; gave
the sacrament. I went thence to Mrs. Claggett's; sang, rejoiced, and gave thanks,
in behalf of both the maids, now added to the church by true divine faith. Mr.
Claggett coming in by mistake, we laid hold on and carried him with us to Black-Friars.
Very weak and faint, yet was I strengthened to preach for above an hour. I was
carried to bed full of pain, expecting my fever; yet believing it could not
return, unless it were best.
Mon., July 17th. I rose free from pain. At Newgate I preached
on death (which they must suffer the day after to-morrow). Mr. Sparks assisted
in giving the sacrament.
Another Clergyman was there. Newington asked me to go in the coach
with him. At one I was with the Black in his cell; James Hutton assisting. Two
more of the malefactors came. I had great help and power in prayer. One rose,
and said, he felt his heart all on fire, so as he never found himself before;
he was all in a sweat; believed Christ died for him. I found myself overwhelmed
with the love of Christ to sinner. The Black was quite happy. The other criminal
was in an excellent temper; believing, or on the point of it. I talked with
another, concerning faith in Christ: he was greatly moved. The Lord, I trust,
will help his unbelief also.
I joined at Bray's with Hutton, Holland, Burton, in fervent prayer
and thanksgiving. At six I carried Bray and Fish to Newgate again, and talked
chiefly with Hudson and Newington. He declared he had felt, some time ago in
prayer, inexpressible joy and love; but was much troubled at its being so soon
withdrawn. The Lord gave power to pray. They were deeply affected. We have great
hopes of both.
Tues., July 18th. The Ordinary read prayers and preached. I administered
the sacrament to the Black, and eight more; having first instructed them in
the nature of it. I slake comfortably to them afterwards.
In the cells, one told me, that whenever he offered to pray, or
had a serious thought, something came and hindered him; was with him almost
continually; and once appeared. After we had prayed for him in faith, he rose
amazingly comforted, full of joy and love; so that we could not doubt his having
received the atonement.
At night I was locked in with Bray in one of the cells. We wrestled
in mighty prayer. All the criminals were present; and all delightfully cheerful.
The soldier, in particular, found his comfort and joy increase every moment.
Another, from the time he communicated, has been in perfect peace. Joy was visible
in all their faces. We sang, "Behold the Saviour of mankind, Nail'd to
the shameful tree! How vast the love that him inclined To bleed and die for
thee," &e.
It was one of the most triumphant hours I have ever known. Yet
on
Wed., July 19th, I rose very heavy, and backward to visit them
for the last time. At six I prayed and sang with them all together. The Ordinary
would read prayers, and preached most miserably. Mr. Sparks and Mr. Broughton
were present. I felt my heart full of tender love to the latter. He administered.
All the ten received. Then he prayed; and I after him.
At half-hour past nine their irons were knocked off, and their
hands tied. I went in a coach with Sparks,Washington, and a friend of Newingten's
(N. himself not being permitted). By half-hour past ten we came to Tyburn, waited
till eleven: then were brought the children appointed to die. I got upon the
cart with Sparks and Broughten: the Ordinary endeavoured to follow, when the
poor prisoners begged he might not come; and the mob kept him down.
I prayed first, then Sparks and Broughton. We had prayed before
that our Lord would show there was a power superior to the fear of death. Newington
had quite forgot his pain. They were all cheerful; full of comfort, peace, and
triumph; assuredly persuaded Christ had died for them, and wanted to receive
them into paradise. Greenaway was impatient to be with Christ..
The Black had spied me coming out of the coach, and saluted me
with his looks. As often as his eyes met mine, he smiled with the most composed,
delightful countenance I ever saw. Read caught hold of my hand in a transport
of joy. Newington seemed perfectly pleased. Hudson declared he was never better,
or more at ease, in mind and body. None showed any natural terror of death:
no fear, or crying, or tears. All expressed their desire of our following them
to paradise. I never saw such calm triumph, such incredible indifference to
dying. We song several hymns; particularly, "Behold the Saviour of mankind,
Nail'd to the shameful tree ;"
and the hymn entitled, "Faith in Christ," which concludes,
"A guilty, weak, and helpless worm, Into thy hands I fall: Be thou my life,
my righteousness, My Jesus, and my all."
We prayed Him, in earnest faith, to receive their spirits. I could
do nothing but rejoice: kissed Newington and Hudson; took leave of each in particular.
Mr. Broughton bade them not be surprised when the cart should draw away. They
cheerfully replied, they should not; expressed some concern how we should get
back to our coach. We left them going to meet their Lord, ready for the Bridegroom.
When the cart drew off, not one stirred, or struggled for life, but meekly gave
up their spirits. Exactly at twelve they were turned off. I spoke a few suitable
words to the crowd; and returned, full of peace and confidence in our friends'
happiness. That hour under the gallows was the most blessed hour of my life.
At Mr. Bray's we renewed our triumph. I found my brother and sister
Lambert there, and preached to them the Gospel of forgiveness, which they received
without opposition.
Thur., July 20th. At morning prayers in Islington. I had some
serious conversation with Mr. Stonehouse, the Vicar. I brought him home with
me from evening prayers.
Fri., July 21st. Mr. Robson came; and received the strange doctrine
of faith with surprising readiness. At night many joined us in prayer and praise.
Brother Edrounds bore his testimony: so did two others, who had received the
blessing of pardon, in hearing my sermon upon, "The voice of one crying
in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the Lord." Another stood up, (lately
a notorious sinner,) and declared the same. We continued till eleven, praying,
and praising God.
Sat., July 22d. Mr. Robson confessed he did believe there was
such a faith, but it was impossible for him to obtain it; and it must necessarily
bring on a persecution. We continued pleading the promises for him: he was greatly
moved, and grew stronger and stronger in hope. I was full of expectation, as
well as Mr. Bray. In singing the hymn to the Father, our poor friend was quite
overpowered, and even compelled to believe: till at last he was filled with
strength and confidence.
At five Mr. Chapman came from Mr. Broughton, and appeared entirely
estranged. He insisted that there is no need of our being persecuted now. I
told him, I was of a different judgment; and believed every doctrine of God
must have these two marks: 1. Meeting all the opposition of men and devils.
2. Triumphing over all. I expressed my readiness to part with him, and all my
friends and relations, for the truth's sake; avowed my liberty and happiness
since Whitsunday; made a bridge for a flying enemy, and we parted tolerable
friends.
Mon., July 24th. I preached faith at Mr. Stonehouse's. Still he
stuck upon fitness. We prayed most earnestly. Miss Claggetts dined with us.
I prayed again, with great comfort and hope for him. He continued insensible.
We bade him open the Bible. He dia, on these apposite words: 1 Thess. i. 5:
"For our Gospel came not unto you in word only, but also in power, and
in the Holy Ghost, and in much assurance." I stayed with him after evening
prayer, to keep him from Mr. Chapman. I agreed to take charge of his parish,
under him, as his Curate. At night Mrs. Turner told me at Mrs. Claggett's, that
she had been greatly strengthened to pray in faith for Mr. Stonehouse.
Tues., July 25th. William Delamotte came, and carried me to Bexley.
Wed., July 26th. At Blendon. Mrs. Delamotte called upon me to
rejoice with her, in the experience of the divine goodness. In the evening I
met several sincere seekers, at Mr. Piers's; with some who knew in whom they
have believed. We had great power in prayer, and joy in thanksgiving. W. Delamotte
often shouted for joy. Before nine we got back to Blendon. Mrs. Delamotte then
confessed that all her desire had been to affront, or make me angry; that she
had long watched every word I said; had persecuted the truth, and all who professed
it, &e.
Thur., July 27th. In the coach to London I preached faith in Christ.
A lady was extremely offended; avowed her own merits in plain terms; asked if
I was not a Methodist; threatened to beat me. I declared, I deserved nothing
but hell; so did she; and must confess it, before she could have a title to
heaven. This was most intolerable to her. The others were less offended; began
to listen; asked where I preached: a maid-servant devoured every word.
Fri., July 28th. Mr. Exell received faith, in immediate answer
to our prayers. At Mr. Stonehouse's I met Charles Rivington, and his wife: but
could come to no agreement; I insisting on a particular manifestation of Christ
to every soul, and he denying it.
Sun., July 30th. At six I received the sacrament; preached faith
at ten; and again in the afternoon at All-hallows, Thames-street. My strength
increased with my labour. At Mr. Sims's, I began expounding the Epistle to the
Romans.
Mon., July 31st. I began writing a sermon upon Gal. iii. 22: "But
the Scripture hath concluded all under sin, that the promise by faith of Jesus
Christ might be given to them that believe."
I met Mr. Lynn, who had often asked me to his house. I went; and
found him again convinced of unbelief, and more uneasy than ever.
Tues., August 1st. I read prayers at Islington, (as I do most
days,) and slept at Mr. Stonehouse's.
Thur., August 3d. I met Lord Egmont, and declared my intention
of returning to Georgia, if my health permitted; with which he was much pleased.
I corrected Mr. Whitefield's Journal for the press; my advice
to suppress it being overruled.
Sun., August 6th. I preached at Islington, and gave the cup. In
the afternoon I read prayers in a church in London, and preached again. I was
faint, and full of pain, when I began; but my work quite cured me.
Thur., August 10th. I walked to Mrs. Hind's. Mr. Broughton and
Washington were there. They denied explicitly that we are saved by Christ's
imputed righteousness; and affirmed that works do justify; have a share in making
us righteous before God. I appealed to the Homilies, which they had never read,
for justification by faith only. When they were gone, I had much lively conversation
with Mrs. Hind, and her son, well-disposed to receive faith, if they have it
not already.
Sat., August 12th. We were warmed by reading George Whitefield's
Journal. I walked with Metcalf, &c., in great joy, wishing for a place to
sing in, when a blacksmith stopped us. We turned into his house, sang an hymn,
and went on our way rejoicing.
Sun., August 13th. I preached at Islington; gave the sacrament
to a sick woman, who was therein assured of her reconciliation to God, through
Christ Jesus.
Tues., August 15th. I communicated again with the sick woman.
Mrs. Claggett and her daughters made the greater part of the congregation. We
were all comforted. I seldom fail seeing them and Islington once a day.
Wed., August 16th. I was dr~gged out by Mr. Bray, to Jeph. Hattie's
religious Society; when, after much disputing, I confuted, rather than convinced,
them, by reading the Homily on Justification.
Thur., August 17th. I preached faith to a dying woman, and administered
the sacrament. She was satisfied God had sent us: told me, I was the instrument
of saving her soul. I asked, "Had you then no faith before we came?"
She answered, "No: how should I? it is the gift of God; and he never gave
it me till now." "Do you now think you shall be saved?" "Yes,"
she replied, smiling; "I have no doubt of it." "You need not
then fear the devil's hurting you." "I know that; he is chained: I
have nothing to do with him, or he with me." She promised to bring up a
good report of us, to those she was going to.
I read prayers at Islington; met Mrs. Brockmar; one who in despair
had been directed to Christ, and in a fortnight found peace to her soul, steadfastly
believing her sin had been imputed to Christ, and his righteousness to her.
She asked me to go and see the sick woman again. I preached faith to a large
company I found there. The woman bore a noble testimony. I asked her before
them all, "Have you received forgiveness?" Her answer was, "Yes,
I am assured of it by Christ himself." To them she said, they must not
think they believe, but feel it, and have a full confidence thereof. They all
thanked me much.
Fri., August 18th. I prayed and rejoiced with her again, yet more
ascertained of her salvation. Mrs. Brockmar, the Claggetts, &c., were of
the company. We got upon the leads and sang; full of zeal, and life, and comfort.
I read prayers; and, with Mr. Brockmar and others, returned to staging at Mr.
Stonehouse's. He read us an Homily. At: seven we all walked out; were driven
by the hard rain to a shed, where we sang and preached to those about us. I
came, wet through, to Mr. Bray's: joined our friends there, in singing, reading,
and prayer. A young man received faith in that hour.
Sat., August 19th. At Mr. Stonehouse's I read prayers with some
life. I gave the sacrament to the woman: asked, "Do you still believe you
shall be saved?" "Yes; I am humbly confident of it, and care not how
soon I depart. I desire to be dissolved, and to be with Christ." We sang
on the leads, as before.
At three I found my friend Stonehouse exceeding heavy, and sorely
distressed through fear of marrying. I prayed earnestly that neither he nor
I might ever be left to follow our own heart's desires. After reading prayers,
I buried a corpse: and went back to Bray's, weighed down with my poor George's
burden.
Sun., August 20th. I preached at Islington in the morning, at
Clerkenwell in the afternoon, on, "The Scripture bath concluded all under
sin," &o. God gave me great boldness; and the word, I trust, did not
return empty.
Mon., August 21st. Mr. Stonehouse's maid, Thomasin, told me, she
had found great peace, and comfort, and joy, in prayer last Saturday, so that
her very inside (as she expressed it) was changed. I visited Mrs. Hall, a dying.
She made signs of her confident faith. Then Mrs. Hankinson; who told me, she
had been very uneasy ever since I said, a person must be sure of their forgiveness.
I preached faith, as the only instrument of justification She was quite melted
down. We prayed: she rose, and said, her heart was set at liberty, her burden
taken away, and her spirit joyful in Christ her Saviour.
Thur., August 24th. At Mrs. Musgrave's I met one Mrs. Nichols;
who readily owned she was not free, had not faith; but believed Christ could
just then give it her. We prayed for her in faith. She received the immediate
answer; expressed her confidence, delight, and love of Jesus; and, at the same
time, her utter defiance of Satan, sin, and death.
Sat., August 26th. I was with Mr. Stonehouse: posse d with a strange
fancy, that a man must be wholly sanctified, before he can know that he is justified.
Sun., August 27th. I preached at St. John's the threefold state,
and helped to administer the sacrament to a very large congregation.
Mon., August 28th. I came in the coach to Oxford; rejoiced at
Mr. Fox's, with Mr. Kinchin, Hutchins, and other Christian friends.
Tues., August 29th. I preached to the poor prisoners in the Castle.
Many, with Mr. Watson, were present at the Society. All of one mind; earnestly
seeking Christ. I read the Homilies, and continued instant in prayer. A woman
cried out, "Where have I been so long? I have been in darkness: I never
shall be delivered out of it,"-- and burst into tears. Mrs. Cleminger,
too, appeared in the pangs of the new birth.
Wed., August 30th. I left Mr. Watson, convinced of unbelief, and
rode to Stanton-Harcourt. I spoke with great reluctance, yet fully and plainly,
to my sister; and then to
Mr. Gainbold and Kinchin, who surprised me by receiving my hard
saying, that they had not faith. I was ashamed to see the great thankfulness,
and childlike, loving spirit of Mr. Kinchin, even before justification.
Thur.,August 31st. I waited upon the Dean; but we could not quite
agree in our notions of faith. He wondered we had not hit upon the Homilies
sooner: treated me with great candour and friendliness.
At the Society I read my sermon, "The Scripture hath concluded
all under sin," and urged upon each my usual question, "Do you deserve
to be damned?" Mrs. Platt, with the utmost vehemence, cried out, "Yes;
I do, I do!" I prayed, that if God saw there any contrite soul, he would
fulfil his promise, of coming and making his abode with it.
"If thou hast sent thy Spirit to reprove any sinner of sin,
in the name of Jesus Christ, I claim salvation for that sinner!" Again
she broke out into strong cries, but of joy, not sorrow, being quite overpowered
with the love of Christ. I asked her, if she believed in Jesus. She answered
in full assurance of faith. We sang and rejoiced over her, (she still continued
kneeling,) joined in thanksgiving; but her voice was heard above ours.
Mr. Kinchin asked, "Have you forgiveness of sins?" "I
am perfectly assured I have." "Have you the earnest of the Spirit
in your heart?" "I have; I know I have: I feel it now within."
Her answers to these and the like questions were expressive of the strongest
confidence, to the great encouragement of all present.
I related this at Hutchins's, before Mr. Wells, who seems fully
convinced of the truth.
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